I’m depressed again.
This really sucks. How long’s it gonna last? I can’t think of any antidepressant I HAVEN’T TAKEN. So what do we do?
When it hit me, I spent the next two days in bed. But I can’t do that. So I crawled out and went to starbucks, my daily routine with the newspaper. I’m going to continue writing and blogging and doing the stuff I do…I just don’t enjoy it half as much.
Even lifting weights. I do it because I believe it’s really good, physically, for the mind. Prevents cognitive decline. So I’ve been going on iTunes, even though I’m one of the people who have that bug, and burning songs. Some that I buy won’t download. They have this little exclamation point right to the left. There are tons of forums about this.
Apple’s position? The problem is on our end and they take no responsibility. In the meantime I purchase new music by Guided By Voices, Daft Punk and even the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who I was never that crazy about. Like Primus. You call that music? I donnaknow.
Since everyone is doing Xmas stuff, I thought I’d throw mine in. I initially sent it to IBPF, but something is going on over there, a change of guard, so to speak. I asked for my story back.
Plus I’m tired of writing ‘Blogs’ per se. Sometimes I want to write features. This is a ‘feature’
Everyone likes music, right?
Facebook Xmas Story
I’m usually all cheery about how fun it is to write. Sometimes you have what’s a great idea and then you look at it later and it’s a dog. A dead dog, matter of fact. But work on it I must. It’s due. I’d much rather write the story “Self confessed addict, bipolar uses opiates safely (?) for decades.”
Last night, we finally got around to watching what I was afraid would be depressing, the Netflix bio on Nina Simone, the REAL documentary, not the one that just came out with actors.
There was a lot of black and white in her life and I don’t just mean race. Growing up in North Carolina, because her family were church goers, she had just enough access to the church piano that her gift was noticed and nourished.
She was a heated civil rights activist and the music she wrote after the Alabama Church bombings like “Mississippi Goddamn” was banned from the radio. Today, they’d do a deletion or an edit and she’d so much press that her album would have sold like crazy. But that was a different time and she was a black woman in the 50’s 60’s and 70’s.
At one point, after years of abuse and overwork (she was the breadwinner and her ex-cop wifebeater husband her manager) she just broke down. You could see in her eyes that she was disaffected, disconnected…depressed and dead inside.
They took her to Switzerland in the 60’s and put her on Trilofon, an antipsychotic. What interested me about that was back then they knew and warned her about tardive dyskinesia…changes to her gate, neurological twitches, and the impact it would have on her kidneys. But she recovered….it did affect her creativity and improvisation with varying genres of music, she wasn’t as wild with her art. But she was happy again. And she lived to be 70 in the South of France, financially self sufficient and as she put it, ‘free.’
Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails (still making decent music)
As I drove to the gym yesterday listening to Sirius’s “Lithium,” Nirvana’s rarely heard “on a plain” was blasting in my car stereo. Sirius, expensive but worth it. Then came Nine Inch Nail’s “Head like a Hole,” which made me turn the radio up even louder. I was lucky to be able to play these songs on the radio, first because they were good, but I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and could really relate. Later when someone published that Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nail’s visionary) was dx with bipolar disorder and didn’t want to take medicine, I could really understand. That raw pain he expressed in his music, the rage and fury of betrayal in “Terrible Lie,” he probably didn’t want to lose that.