I’m the Worst Blogger in the World and Now, I need Help

I’m Allison and Have Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Pain, Tardive Dyskinesia and possibly Sjogren’s syndrome. (I find out today on the Sjogren’s…genetically, it makes perfect sense).

I’m in bipolar depression relapse, which is awful. I had a great 2 1/2 years of remission.

Over the course of the last 17 years I’ve had perpetual, off and on med burnout, which has a very geeky name, Antidepressant Therapy Tachyphylaxis, which means the antidepressants just stop working. I think a lot of people have this problem but there’s a black void where knowledge should be.

Articles on it, and other names for it, like “Prozac Poopout” are all over the internet. In the past we’ve resolved it over time by cycling to newer meds. Pristiq, then Viibryd and finally Brintellix, (now called Trintellix) and then Fetzima, which didn’t work.

Two different times we used Trintellix, which worked for a few years, and needed to be discontinued and then worked again when we ‘recycled it.’

I’m worried. I think I’ve burnt out all the drugs that act on Dopamine, Serotonin, Norepinephrine and need to go to a different class like a tricyclic or MAOI. The fact that I have Tardive Dyskinesia reduces our treatment options greatly.

I think it might eliminate an MAOI, because monoamines factor into TD…in some way.

I’m just really scared.

Fish food for brain health

Pompano Beach, South Florida

One of the great things about South Florida is this discount wholesaler called Penn Dutch. Their prices are through the roof low low low. Their fish counter is teeming with life.  I swear, they have fresh Chilean Seabass at 12.00 a lb. Crazy. At the regular market it’s almost 30.00 lb.

There is a town north of Hollywood, where I live,  called “Pompano Beach” and I found out that it’s named after the Pompano fish, which you can catch just off the coast across from my house. So I went to Penn Dutch yesterday, bought two whole Pompano Fishes, had them fileted (I don’t cut fish) and made this coconut milk, Thai Chile and Mint Herb soaked Pompano fish 4 first time. It’s actually a hell of a lot better than farmed Tilapia, which tastes just like the dirt pellets they feed it.

Good intentions clobber Mental Health Writer and Volunteer.

I’ve hit a snag with mental health advocacy. I volunteered for years at the nearby drop in. I had high security clearance and brought meetings into the psych ward. I developed an eating disorder meeting for them. I got sick with depression and a three year struggle with trying to get Tardive Dyskinesia under control…with both conditions I couldn’t volunteer for about a year  and I fell off the volunteer rolls. Well again, well, well enough, I offered to bring a gentle Pilates Mat class and even get certified in group activity safety measures for them and for me. Well, as you can imagine, since the whole ‘story’ I tried to nicely write about them went south, they no longer think I’m ‘well’ enough to be a volunteer.

Despite this, I still tried to write a nice story about them and their services for International Bipolar Disorder. I interviewed the project director and took good notes. I gave her final editorial approval since I did want to quote her and wanted to improve our relationship. I guess I sent too many emails because as my deadline came and went, she was on vacation and I did not know. When she returned, I got a nasty email full of hypocritical ‘mindfulness’  telling me that her ‘intention’ is to show me kindness but I make it impossible by ‘bombarding’ her with emails. My deadline for the story had come and gone and I wanted to finish it. She works with the mentally ill so why should she expect so much out of me? Am I being discriminated against because I’m too high functioning? Let’s face it, I’m verbal, I’m not all doped up and docile and I ask questions. I try to express myself and spread the good news about treatment options, present and in the pipeline. And you would not believe how much is in the pipeline!!! Ketamine is a comin’!