On the farm in Lexington Kentucky (family visit) w/3 sizes of clothes

horse

Even tho I packed really carefully, when I landed I had slacks that fell off my butt and dresses I could not zip up. We are going to a fancy equestrian party tonight and luckily I had a stretchy maxi dress. I have gotten sloppy w/food, not lifted weights as much as I should and right now, sugar and carbs have ahold of me.  My AIC, which I worked on lowering for four months, has risen w/the 12 lb I gained (all in one place). It’s hard not to feel like my life is out of control right now. Alot of our activities while visiting Dad center around food and drink. And on the subject of ‘out of control,’ I forgot to plan for the weather. I brought too many coats and not enough shorts.

But look at this horse. Do you think he likes me any less for any of that? Of course not. He is a horse, of course, of course.

Weekly Word Review

 

DSC01512

This is Michael and I at his job. He used to be a construction superintendant, a foreman. He can fix or make just about anything. In 2008, the construction industry went bust down here and all these high rises they were gonna build just went bust mid-project. You can imagine Michael’s job prospects at this point. the company he’d been working for, Lear Construction, went out of business.

This is the last one, of this batch. I’m running out.

Luxating Patella, if you have an older dog, you might have come across this. It’s when the patella (kneebone) shifts, pops off to the side or front. It’s got to be really painful. I wonder if they have pain meds for dogs.

inimitable: So good impossible to duplicate, imitate.

Fulsome: Excessively Flattering. Probly the type of stuff the Kardashian’s wear.

Thrummed: Thrum, to reverberate in someone’s ear, echo, like in this case referring to the engine of a boat. Rrrh Rrrrh

Trauma, Drama Weaks of the Word (Words of the Weak)

aquanotext

Hi

The thing with my BFF getting me locked up by calling the cops on me, my ongoing chronic pain, the fallout after my BFF called my father and told him lies about drug abuse on my husband’s part…so much to deal with in a short amount of time.

Then I called Medicare to find out if the blood lab had violated Medicare law by denying me service by using the reverse diversity hostile stall technique. And I filed a formal complaint with an agency you might be interested in if you are on Medicare or have family who is.

The Medicare Beneficiary Centers for Care and Quality Improvement. I wrote them a 7 page letter; reflecting the litany of abuse I took over a seven year period but if you really need to unload you can leave them a detailed message. 844-455-8708.  I’m following through on this one, even though reliving it’s a nightmare. I sure wish their was an agency I could use to deal with for my former BFF.

So many ideas for stories but I am so close to the material that I must just jot down phrases and ideas and wait for some time to pass. Do you guys know what I mean?

This piece of paper that has all my new words on it is my way of normalizing much of my life. I don’t even know what day it is, let alone what weekend to program this for so I’ll just do it for today ok?

abjure (in reference to saying now to interviews) solemnly renounce.

Numinous  of Divinity or Sacred

Palindromic: a Word that reads the same back and forth.

Trogladyte (used to describe Trump) People who used to live in caves. Paleo.

Wonkish ( I think I’ve done this one before) Nerdy.

Poujadist extremist conservative movement in France, the emphases being on protecting their assets. This would apply to certain 1%ers.

 

For Prince’s sake, Cut 2 chase, cut the carnage, widen access to MAT & wipe out black market!!

atcomputerprincetwo

I heard about Prince. So tragic. The Suboxone thing might not be the answer but it does reduce mortality by accidental and intentional overdose by 50%. Restricting access and insisting everyone immediately wean off does nothing to address the 8 in ten drug abusers/addicts who originally took narcotics for pain, both short term and chronic. Studies show 99% of them will relapse back onto heroin or worse. When you go to the street you get no medical warnings or advice and you never know what’s in the drugs you are buying.

I don’t think “The Box” is the Answer, in fact, I wonder about it being its’ own Satan, the negative facts suppressed for profit.

Everyone makes out, the pharmacies, drug dealers, doctors, drug companies…everyone but us.

Rapper Scarface: “We Can’t afford our drugs so we all gonna die CVS is slingin dope on every block worldwide!!!!!” They don’t have any responsibility to use because they’re in healthcare…why should they????? Not necessarily. Then there’s the beaurocratic nightmare of federal officials trying to do the right thing coming up against powerful lobbyists who want the Oxy to continue because it IS safer if used as directed. I had conservative, safe, minimal use of MS contin for 16 years before I quit because of side effects, my body unable to relieve itself of the meals eaten yesterday. That can kill you too. Then there’s the prescription laxatives that only buy a few more years of time. But we’re all buying time.

I for one am sooooo tired of paying for everyone who is chasing a high. I kid you not. I used to be an addict, now I’m not. Furthermore, I don’t abuse drugs…they abuse me. That’s why I quit. Cold Turkey. Done. Hundreds of leftovers left over that I rarely think about. Might need them if I get in an accident and access is so limited I can’t stand it. I’ve had ‘failed surgery syndrome’ when the bones of my feet wouldn’t knit together lasting three years after surgery, steel pins holding my feet together. Foot pain worse than back pain. Of COURS I took narcotics. Then, when they healed I immediately stopped. But the point is I was in legitimate pain due to doctor error and on pain meds long term and then stopped for ten years until my next ortho operation, thanks to ongoing exercise bulimia.  The switcher upper in my fight against cocaine addiction to suppress my appetite. It’s all sort of a hazy dream and my family has now disowned me. Bipolar My fault. My foot problems, my fault. Every new side effect or illness, my fault. My choice. This has been going on since DX.

I’ve been dealing with a night mare that would drive someone less stable to drink or another unhealthy coping  mechanism. Stigmatized by family since my diagnosis of bipolar, Stigma and I are fast friends. Because it came from family I associate it with love and don’t know when to walk away like in the case of the “BFF calling the cops on me and saying I’m suicidal, even though she’s got the plan and the means to attempt it for a fourth time secretly stashed away in her closet. And then this…….It’s about reverse diversity….do ya feel me?

Hey you guys…I just wrote this up. A formal complaint of long term abuse I endured by Quest laboratories over a seven year period because I was ashamed, cowed and didn’t think I deserved better. They almost succeeded in denying me my critical lab services to get my most important mood stabilizer. They are NOT going to get away with it. I may be one of the ‘little’ people but I’m “mad as hell and not going to take Stigma any more.”

Local Lab Chain’s Long Term Abuse, shame shame shame on YOU@!

 

 

To: Medicare’s Beneficiaries and Family Centers Care and Quality Improvement Center for quality Improvement Organization.

Re: Systemic and local problem in my seven years as a monthly client of Quest Labs, 3343 Sheridan Street Location, Hollywood, Florida. 33021-3606. (the last four digits of zip were hard to read).

This long letter, I’m sorry but there’s a lot to cover, chronicles a litany of abusive treatment, jeapordy of my health, healthcare and access to a most critical medication by one of your providers.

It’s a case of stigma, and if you get to page 8 you’ll see the ‘diversity in reverse’ racial discriminatory aspect as well. I don’t come out and say who’s what color but I do remember distinctly a conversation I had with the supervisor whose name is Augusta.  You’ll be able to see this sad scenario in full blown Technicolor. But there are other types of stigma, abuse, and discrimination as well. A systemic aspect infecting all aspects of the corporation. It can’t continue. You must be informed of this so it doesn’t happen to anyone else.

(I will be sending this to better business bureau, chamber of commerce and any other regulatory agencies I can find too. ‘

Do you want to hear the rest of it?  Let me know.

Third leading cause of adult death physician error

or

 

A topic gets sensationalized, everyone jumps on it and we forget all else. Like my wisecrack about the airlines being like the drug companies. Right now, a hot topic is demonizing the use of opiates. Yet the third leading cause of death is doctor error …sometimes writing the wrong medication.

They are changing the name of my antidepressant, Brintellix to Trintellix because docs and pharmacists were getting Brintellix confused with something else….

Gosh, I had just gotten my pharmacist and my doctor accustomed to the original spelling. As if life wasn’t confusing enough. Instead of further restricting people’s access to pain medicine they should make those doctors slow down and take remedial medical courses after an incident of physician error, as I’ve suffered a few of those and walked away from a lucrative lawsuit. (See: Tardive Dyskinesia, Failed Foot Surgery)Photo of a photo

They say we can’t lose weight and keep it off? This bipolar shows how.

aquanotext  Are You Sure about this Or Are you just trying to sell your book?

The big news this week was “The Biggest Loser” and how all contestants gained back their weight and more. The ‘experts’ are weighing in and now saying ‘you can’t lose weight and keep it off.’

I am writing a metabolic series for bphope.com and part two of it is in this link for bphope.com.  Give me a click through, will ya? I need a pat on the back right now. Everyone is saying “No” today. And I hate that word.

I’ve never been much for ‘experts’ or authority figures of any sort, anyway.

 

More on mental gymnastics, the benefits, the science of learning

aljewelingtable

Someone finally took on this topic in my beloved New York Times. It was about the benefits of learning, especially in middle age; made easier because most contests and competitions are over by that point in life and NO ONE IS WATCHING.

Apparently, making a commitment to get good at something in schoolchildren and highschoolers can cause anxiety because the kids are so worried about how they look. Or if they seem to be smart. Key word: Seem.

Later in life, there’s less pressure and more benefit. A disciplined effort at improvement at something, whether it’s reading the paper, jewelrymaking, coloring books, sports, collecting shells or birdwatching involves frustration-the old two steps forward, one and a half steps back. But that’s ok.

Here’s the benefit: You seize time and make it yours. You are, by practicing or learning, getting better at SOMETHING, while other stuff, like physical strength and memory and for some, motivation, are fading away.

Yes there are all sort of studies about how learning stimulates blood flow to the brain, always a good thing. All of that being said, I have my words for you this week. There are so very many I can’t keep up. It’s campaign season and those folks are making it up as they go along too.

Atavistic: Ancient, Ancestral.

Peripatetic: Moving around like a Nomad, from place to place. I wrote an article once about Sonic Youth and in the intro my editor called me Peripatetic and I was too embarrassed to ask what it mean.

Hawkish (this always comes up in association with Hilary) it means to threaten or be belligerent about foreign policy.

Waggish: Mischieviously funny.

Sanguine: To be optimistic in a sad situation.

How does this relate to Bipolar Disorder, Depression and or Tardive Dyskinesia or other side effects that come with meds?  It’s a blog to take you away from all that, like a magic carpet from Mosul, if you will.

It’s mental health month and there’s some hashtag but aren’t we just preaching to the choir here? I’m much more interested in DBSA’s advocacy platform which will help us mobilize in numbers that matter.

Today’s drama: If Prince had Buprenorphine…sooner he’d still b alive

prince

This relates to all the hysteria about opiates and the lack of attention paid to the treatment of chronic pain. Yes, Deb at CDC, noncancerchronicpainlivesmatter.

Prince may not have died in vain. From reading articles I found he and I had a lot in common. Chronic pain from too much over exertion. Mine is in my back. I am a responsible, steady, minimalist user and have reduced my dose by 2/3 as well as frequency. But the side effects are terrible and have finally caught up to me. How does this relate to Prince? Well, there is a guy who has stuck his neck out on the line, a maverick in the treatment of chronic pain using Suboxone and or Buprenorphine. Less side effects, no intoxication like the quick acting Vicodin, Tylenol 3 and 4, and Percocet and those lovable blues, the oxys. Those get ya high. Hook you in. I know first hand because I got off of them. Prince’s people had contacted Howard Feldman, whose treatment center is outpatient “Recovery Without Walls”  For anyone who has been in 12 step groups, the ‘abstinence only’ idea is great in theory but what do you do for the pain once you get off the pills? According to the literature and the studies and conclusions of his, there have been outside pressures restricting the use of this drug. A doc has to be licensed and can only prescribe it for 100 people. I found out yesterday that my hoity toity upscale pain clinic doesn’t have a license for it and my questions about a healthier non opiate alternative were met with skeptical frowns. Dr. Kornfeld’s son, Andrew, flew out to Paisley Park with an initial dose of Buprenorphine in his pocket to show Prince that he wouldn’t be dealing with terrible pain but Prince had one last go before the life saving mission was able to save him from himself. Basically guys, Buprenorphine is Methadone light, saves lives…by 75%, reduces disease transmission and if it had been more widely available instead of an insider’s secret he might still be alive today.

What do I do? In my next post, I’m going to show you the letter I am writing to the good doctor to try to find someone here in South Florida. It’s intimate and has awful details but maybe someone will relate to it.

Allison

Today’s drama: If Prince had Buprenorphine…sooner he’d still b alive

prince

 

Prince may not have died in vain. From reading articles I found he and I had a lot in common. Chronic pain from too much over exertion. Mine is in my back. I am a responsible, steady, minimalist user and have reduced my dose by 2/3 as well as frequency. But the side effects are terrible and have finally caught up to me. How does this relate to Prince? Well, there is a guy who has stuck his neck out on the line, a maverick in the treatment of chronic pain using Suboxone and or Buprenorphine. Less side effects, no intoxication like the quick acting Vicodin, Tylenol 3 and 4, and Percocet and those lovable blues, the oxys. Those get ya high. Hook you in. I know first hand because I got off of them. Prince’s people had contacted Howard Feldman, whose treatment center is outpatient “Recovery Without Walls”  For anyone who has been in 12 step groups, the ‘abstinence only’ idea is great in theory but what do you do for the pain once you get off the pills? According to the literature and the studies and conclusions of his, there have been outside pressures restricting the use of this drug. A doc has to be licensed and can only prescribe it for 100 people. I found out yesterday that my hoity toity upscale pain clinic doesn’t have a license for it and my questions about a healthier non opiate alternative were met with skeptical frowns. Dr. Kornfeld’s son, Andrew, flew out to Paisley Park with an initial dose of Buprenorphine in his pocket to show Prince that he wouldn’t be dealing with terrible pain but Prince had one last go before the life saving mission was able to save him from himself. Basically guys, Buprenorphine is Methadone light, saves lives…by 75%, reduces disease transmission and if it had been more widely available instead of an insider’s secret he might still be alive today.

What do I do? In my next post, I’m going to show you the letter I am writing to the good doctor to try to find someone here in South Florida. It’s intimate and has awful details but maybe someone will relate to it.

Allison