Bipolar Comorbid Inc. Bipolar Hope Article about the power of Passive Resistance

outofthewaterbullsharkFL

They’re after me.

Who is that “Strong” Woman behind these pictures? That loudmouth writer, Allison “Strong?”

The fight has gone out. Bipolar Comorbid Inc.  “Too much Information Driving Me Insane” (The Police)

But like Ali, the fire hasn’t left my eyes.

Last night binging “Bloodline” on Netflix, I heard the rock sax sounds of the band “Morphine,” doing a 90’s song, “Sharks Patrol These Waters.”

So looked for and found all my Morphine CD’s.

Predictably, they’re empty.

So are the Steely Dans.  Go. Passive. Again. Find strength in that.

Here’s my new bipolar hope article. Please be kind and click to its’ source, Bipolar Hope, bphope.com

(I’m measured by clicks).

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

 

Chronic pain compounded by tardive dyskinesia…please don’t write about what you don’t understand.

al in german dress and new earrings

I safely used ms contin for sixteen years, all the while hydrating, swimming, pilates, Wobenzyme, Pau’ D’Arco, Turmeric (anti inflammatory diet, rabbit food regimen) regular stretching, etc, for pain and round after round of expensive injections (12 in all..they all cost 200.00 and they all failed).

One of them caused a severe flare, causing me to ACTUALLY use the amount prescribed. Mostly, I took way less, taking cold turkey ‘vacations’ to drive DOWN my tolerance/dosage.

The other one was a test for “Coolief,” the burning of the entire nerve branch block of my lumbar spine. It’s tens of thousands of dollars and Medicare doesn’t prior authorize it. I’d lose my house. That’s one thing in life I’m not incurring penalties and interest on, like the taking of pain medicine. Hey, I know it’s long term bad but I can’t take the present of my ‘present.’ I don’t abuse my meds. I stopped because they were abusing me, idiots.

And I have bipolar and a history of drug abuse. And I’m intelligent and left handed, creative. So if I’m such a drug addict, why is it, tell me, that when I finally stopped at 1/3 of what I had been taking in prior years, there were 250 extra pills left over? Because I kept cutting them up in an effort to get by with less and the pills that couldn’t be cut in half, I saved for a rainy day. I can’t take them anymore anyway. They sit here and I don’t think about them until I read an article by someone who thinks there is no benefits of taking opiates for non cancerous chronic pain. For palliative care only. I have the spine of an 85 year old at 55. I was a professional athlete and exercise bulimic, under a ton of pressure to be thin to do commercials and modeling. It’s a disease, not just a vanity thing. I’ve been to eating disorder treatment twice, both for4 60 days. Bankrupted me and my family.

On the pain thing  But I don’t think you understand the agony of a psoriatic arthritic whose injuries are compounded by the uncontrollable muscle spasms of tardive dyskinesia, a rare but real side effect of my bipolar medications, which I take like clockwork and have also tried to reduce or discontinue. You probably don’t believe in bipolar either but trust me, without these meds I have delusions I have children and fixate on stop signs.

Please, people, talk to people who are truly in pain. Who need their meds to work when the pain is truly excruciating, unlivable.

Please, opiate haters, Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.

Bipolar Comorbid Inc. Bipolar Hope Article re power of Passive Resistance

outofthewaterbullsharkFL

They’re after me.

Who is that “Strong” Woman behind these pictures? That loudmouth writer, Allison “Strong?”

The fight has gone out. Bipolar Comorbid Inc.  “Too much Information Driving Me Insane” (The Police)

But like Ali, the fire hasn’t left my eyes.

Last night binging “Bloodline” on Netflix, I heard the rock sax sounds of the band “Morphine,” doing a 90’s song, “Sharks Patrol These Waters.”

So looked for and found all my Morphine CD’s.

Predictably, they’re empty.

So are the Steely Dans.  Go. Passive. Again. Find strength in that.

Here’s my new bipolar hope article. Please be kind and click to its’ source, Bipolar Hope, bphope.com

(I’m measured by clicks).

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

 

Bipolar Comorbid Inc. Bipolar Hope Article about the power of Passive Resistance

outofthewaterbullsharkFL

They’re after me.

Who is that “Strong” Woman behind these pictures? That loudmouth writer, Allison “Strong?”

The fight has gone out. Bipolar Comorbid Inc.  “Too much Information Driving Me Insane” (The Police)

But like Ali, the fire hasn’t left my eyes.

Last night binging “Bloodline” on Netflix, I heard the rock sax sounds of the band “Morphine,” doing a 90’s song, “Sharks Patrol These Waters.”

So looked for and found all my Morphine CD’s.

Predictably, they’re empty.

So are the Steely Dans.  Go. Passive. Again. Find strength in that.

Here’s my new bipolar hope article. Please be kind and click to its’ source, Bipolar Hope, bphope.com

(I’m measured by clicks).

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

 

Trauma, Drama Weaks of the Word (Words of the Weak)

aquanotext

Hi

The thing with my BFF getting me locked up by calling the cops on me, my ongoing chronic pain, the fallout after my BFF called my father and told him lies about drug abuse on my husband’s part…so much to deal with in a short amount of time.

Then I called Medicare to find out if the blood lab had violated Medicare law by denying me service by using the reverse diversity hostile stall technique. And I filed a formal complaint with an agency you might be interested in if you are on Medicare or have family who is.

The Medicare Beneficiary Centers for Care and Quality Improvement. I wrote them a 7 page letter; reflecting the litany of abuse I took over a seven year period but if you really need to unload you can leave them a detailed message. 844-455-8708.  I’m following through on this one, even though reliving it’s a nightmare. I sure wish their was an agency I could use to deal with for my former BFF.

So many ideas for stories but I am so close to the material that I must just jot down phrases and ideas and wait for some time to pass. Do you guys know what I mean?

This piece of paper that has all my new words on it is my way of normalizing much of my life. I don’t even know what day it is, let alone what weekend to program this for so I’ll just do it for today ok?

abjure (in reference to saying now to interviews) solemnly renounce.

Numinous  of Divinity or Sacred

Palindromic: a Word that reads the same back and forth.

Trogladyte (used to describe Trump) People who used to live in caves. Paleo.

Wonkish ( I think I’ve done this one before) Nerdy.

Poujadist extremist conservative movement in France, the emphases being on protecting their assets. This would apply to certain 1%ers.

 

For Prince’s sake, Cut 2 chase, cut the carnage, widen access to MAT & wipe out black market!!

atcomputerprincetwo

I heard about Prince. So tragic. The Suboxone thing might not be the answer but it does reduce mortality by accidental and intentional overdose by 50%. Restricting access and insisting everyone immediately wean off does nothing to address the 8 in ten drug abusers/addicts who originally took narcotics for pain, both short term and chronic. Studies show 99% of them will relapse back onto heroin or worse. When you go to the street you get no medical warnings or advice and you never know what’s in the drugs you are buying.

I don’t think “The Box” is the Answer, in fact, I wonder about it being its’ own Satan, the negative facts suppressed for profit.

Everyone makes out, the pharmacies, drug dealers, doctors, drug companies…everyone but us.

Rapper Scarface: “We Can’t afford our drugs so we all gonna die CVS is slingin dope on every block worldwide!!!!!” They don’t have any responsibility to use because they’re in healthcare…why should they????? Not necessarily. Then there’s the beaurocratic nightmare of federal officials trying to do the right thing coming up against powerful lobbyists who want the Oxy to continue because it IS safer if used as directed. I had conservative, safe, minimal use of MS contin for 16 years before I quit because of side effects, my body unable to relieve itself of the meals eaten yesterday. That can kill you too. Then there’s the prescription laxatives that only buy a few more years of time. But we’re all buying time.

I for one am sooooo tired of paying for everyone who is chasing a high. I kid you not. I used to be an addict, now I’m not. Furthermore, I don’t abuse drugs…they abuse me. That’s why I quit. Cold Turkey. Done. Hundreds of leftovers left over that I rarely think about. Might need them if I get in an accident and access is so limited I can’t stand it. I’ve had ‘failed surgery syndrome’ when the bones of my feet wouldn’t knit together lasting three years after surgery, steel pins holding my feet together. Foot pain worse than back pain. Of COURS I took narcotics. Then, when they healed I immediately stopped. But the point is I was in legitimate pain due to doctor error and on pain meds long term and then stopped for ten years until my next ortho operation, thanks to ongoing exercise bulimia.  The switcher upper in my fight against cocaine addiction to suppress my appetite. It’s all sort of a hazy dream and my family has now disowned me. Bipolar My fault. My foot problems, my fault. Every new side effect or illness, my fault. My choice. This has been going on since DX.

I’ve been dealing with a night mare that would drive someone less stable to drink or another unhealthy coping  mechanism. Stigmatized by family since my diagnosis of bipolar, Stigma and I are fast friends. Because it came from family I associate it with love and don’t know when to walk away like in the case of the “BFF calling the cops on me and saying I’m suicidal, even though she’s got the plan and the means to attempt it for a fourth time secretly stashed away in her closet. And then this…….It’s about reverse diversity….do ya feel me?

Hey you guys…I just wrote this up. A formal complaint of long term abuse I endured by Quest laboratories over a seven year period because I was ashamed, cowed and didn’t think I deserved better. They almost succeeded in denying me my critical lab services to get my most important mood stabilizer. They are NOT going to get away with it. I may be one of the ‘little’ people but I’m “mad as hell and not going to take Stigma any more.”

Local Lab Chain’s Long Term Abuse, shame shame shame on YOU@!

 

 

To: Medicare’s Beneficiaries and Family Centers Care and Quality Improvement Center for quality Improvement Organization.

Re: Systemic and local problem in my seven years as a monthly client of Quest Labs, 3343 Sheridan Street Location, Hollywood, Florida. 33021-3606. (the last four digits of zip were hard to read).

This long letter, I’m sorry but there’s a lot to cover, chronicles a litany of abusive treatment, jeapordy of my health, healthcare and access to a most critical medication by one of your providers.

It’s a case of stigma, and if you get to page 8 you’ll see the ‘diversity in reverse’ racial discriminatory aspect as well. I don’t come out and say who’s what color but I do remember distinctly a conversation I had with the supervisor whose name is Augusta.  You’ll be able to see this sad scenario in full blown Technicolor. But there are other types of stigma, abuse, and discrimination as well. A systemic aspect infecting all aspects of the corporation. It can’t continue. You must be informed of this so it doesn’t happen to anyone else.

(I will be sending this to better business bureau, chamber of commerce and any other regulatory agencies I can find too. ‘

Do you want to hear the rest of it?  Let me know.

Suicidal Bipolar Projects ‘Plan,’ and I’m in Hospital?

How else can I say it, title it?

allicat

You are my people. My resource.

You hear it first.

My life is messy.

It’s not the worst.

My BFF turned my life upside down.

You guys know I have chronic pain and was looking for a way out. I went Cold turkey for over a week. The worst pain I’ve ever had except for the 60 day flare in reaction to an ‘interventional pain management’ pain doc. Yeah, ‘interventional’ all right. Between me and my life. Between me and my pocketbook. Once back on, thought I could not get off. But I’ve been sick ever since. Hey, you play you pay.

Weak and sick I wanted to go to the ER and check for an obstruction. On the way gonna stop by my BFF’s. I’d packed my low sugar high fiber foods and protein Shakes with Pomegranate in them and Off I was gonna go. Except for one hitch. She’d called the cops and said I was suicidal. Cuffed and dragged off to the psych ward. Then she called my father and told him private stuff. She’s always hated my husband. Partly because he doesn’t have money and she thinks I could do so much better.

I’ll really miss her. Foreign films, world affairs, someone intellectual, worldly and brainy to be around and another former disc jockey.

I think it’s a marketable story. What can I call it in seven words or less so that betrayal and paradox jump right off the page; promising a publisher clicks? Can I Sell it to Buzzfeed? Vice? Gawker? Who?  It’s got to be a rebellious type of publication. One that questions the system a tad.

The two publications I write for probably wouldn’t appreciate my caustic tone when I describe yanking the warden’s chains; claiming I’m a nationally published writer who is also in their daily newspaper, a mantle of credibility which happens to be true. People get starstruck.

The puzzlement on their faces was precious. Priceless.   Maybe it’s true. Maybe she’s here by mistake. Our mistake.

Where does this story of one friendship (probably a sick, codependant attachment) end and a new life of healthier pursuits and a more balanced set of associates begin?

Because it’s not really about what she did to me, it’s about why I attract people to my life sicker than I am. That’s what’s nuts.  Then I share my intimacies. Totally Bonkers.

All along I assumed she understood and she’d just been laying in wait to get me locked up somewhere.  She’s disapproved of my level of care and self care all along, right down to the cooler full of raw foods, low sugar fruit, protein and water I carry around.

Suicidal BFF with ‘Plan’ Projects; I land in Lockdown?

aquanotext

Cuffed and Dragged off thanks to my best friend. She’s the one with 200 tegretol to try to take her life a fourth time…but I’m the one carried away. So uncool.

I was sick. She called the cops to have me shoved into involuntary psych eval. I find out later that the cooler of fresh healthy raw foods I carry around as I’m prediabetic she calls that ‘crazy.’ My stomach problems are evidence of ‘crazy.’ My BFF NO LONGER IN MY LIFE. Sad. But she’s gotta go.

Suicidal Bipolar Projects ‘Plan,’ and I’m in Hospital?

How else can I say it, title it?

allicat

You are my people. My resource.

You hear it first.

My life is messy.

It’s not the worst.

My BFF turned my life upside down.

You guys know I have chronic pain and was looking for a way out. I went Cold turkey for over a week. The worst pain I’ve ever had except for the 60 day flare in reaction to an ‘interventional pain management’ pain doc. Yeah, ‘interventional’ all right. Between me and my life. Between me and my pocketbook. Once back on, thought I could not get off. But I’ve been sick ever since. Hey, you play you pay.

Weak and sick I wanted to go to the ER and check for an obstruction. On the way gonna stop by my BFF’s. I’d packed my low sugar high fiber foods and protein Shakes with Pomegranate in them and Off I was gonna go. Except for one hitch. She’d called the cops and said I was suicidal. Cuffed and dragged off to the psych ward. Then she called my father and told him private stuff. She’s always hated my husband. Partly because he doesn’t have money and she thinks I could do so much better.

I’ll really miss her. Foreign films, world affairs, someone intellectual, worldly and brainy to be around and another former disc jockey.

I think it’s a marketable story. What can I call it in seven words or less so that betrayal and paradox jump right off the page; promising a publisher clicks? Can I Sell it to Buzzfeed? Vice? Gawker? Who?  It’s got to be a rebellious type of publication. One that questions the system a tad.

The two publications I write for probably wouldn’t appreciate my caustic tone when I describe yanking the warden’s chains; claiming I’m a nationally published writer who is also in their daily newspaper, a mantle of credibility which happens to be true. People get starstruck.

The puzzlement on their faces was precious. Priceless.   Maybe it’s true. Maybe she’s here by mistake. Our mistake.

Where does this story of one friendship (probably a sick, codependant attachment) end and a new life of healthier pursuits and a more balanced set of associates begin?

Because it’s not really about what she did to me, it’s about why I attract people to my life sicker than I am. That’s what’s nuts.  Then I share my intimacies. Totally Bonkers.

All along I assumed she understood and she’d just been laying in wait to get me locked up somewhere.  She’s disapproved of my level of care and self care all along, right down to the cooler full of raw foods, low sugar fruit, protein and water I carry around.