I’m writing a book. Who isn’t. I actually have five or six. Three in a series sort of YA bipolar disc jockey juggles illness, men, rapid cycling and alcohol on occasion. Father says to me the other day, “You need a Project. Find out how much it will cost, a-z to get your book published and I’ll write a check. I hadn’t expected such but XLibris was having a sale.
Based on what my friends have told me, 399.99 plus a plot/pace/content assessment is going to be too little and I’ll get hit up for more fees down the line and I told my consultant that I had been warned and asked her to really dig deep and tell me the price. She got argumentative and angry. It didn’t help matters at all that my foot got broken and hurt badly.
My last conversation with this person was that she felt insulted and when it came down to it, she though I’d need 25k to get a book out there, but she had politely refrained from throwing this in my face. Don’t you think that 399.00 plus 199.00 and the sum total of 25k are a little far off? Where were all these fees coming from? Wasn’t she being unethical to ‘undersell me’ something for 600.00 that was going to end up costing our family 25k? Then she got into this whole thing about how Authorhouse and Xlibris are very different (I had previously spoken to Authorhouse) and that’s why she chose Xlibris. I asked her about 12 questions about Print on Demand, and wondered why she had not brought up marketing guidance. You got me right, they provide no marketing or advertising for you for free, but for an additional fee, they can arrange to have your book reviewed and so forth.
One of the great things about South Florida is this discount wholesaler called Penn Dutch. Their prices are through the roof low low low. Their fish counter is teeming with life. I swear, they have fresh Chilean Seabass at 12.00 a lb. Crazy. At the regular market it’s almost 30.00 lb.
There is a town north of Hollywood, where I live, called “Pompano Beach” and I found out that it’s named after the Pompano fish, which you can catch just off the coast across from my house. So I went to Penn Dutch yesterday, bought two whole Pompano Fishes, had them fileted (I don’t cut fish) and made this coconut milk, Thai Chile and Mint Herb soaked Pompano fish 4 first time. It’s actually a hell of a lot better than farmed Tilapia, which tastes just like the dirt pellets they feed it.
“At night you hide from the madman you’re longing to be. But it all comes out on the inside, eventually.”
from “Here at the Western World” on “The Royal Scam?” I’m not sure. But Steely Dan..even tho I’m an alternative/indie chick, will always have a special place in my heart for their hedonism to escape the demons that haunted them. I’m not the only one living with a ghost for a soul.
I’ve been lucky in that somehow I’ve been picked up as a blogger by International Bipolar Disorder and NAMI but truly for every four submissions I send out to other digital publications, only one gets picked up. I got really close to being picked up by Bipolar Magazine’s digital arm, “Bipolar Hope.” They take a lot of drug company money in terms of advertising and I challenged them by sending a Tardive Dyskinesia story. If I had really wanted the twice monthly opportunity, I should have sent them a glossier blog on a ‘shiny happy people’ (REM song) topic. See, IBPF has the distinction of being totally independent financially from the drug companies, so we bloggers can be a bit more truthful, blunt, even, if the subject is so. But we balance it out by emphasizing that it does get better.
The rest of my submissions are rejected for one reason or another. There was Stigma fighters, I guess that evaluating my 25 year struggle on paper I told too many stories and talked about meds too much. When you develop Tardive Dyskinesia, Sexual Side Effects, Terrible Constipation, Constant hunger and Metabolic syndrome (half-way to diabetes thru no fault of my own…I eat good am very active and slender) it’s pretty hard to ignore the challenges and victories over those problems like they don’t exist,
I mean think about this: How many of us have gained or watched a loved one weight and not be able to lose it after being put on psych meds? There are advances in Western Science and Alternative solutions too, and I want to write about my journey. After all, I’m still alive and pretty happy.
Then there was the ‘seeds of hope’ submission and they objected to too much personal narrative and not enough of a “we can conquer thru ideology” presentation. So I’ve realized that in all this advocacy, I have to nurture myself, focus on what’s really important and develop a thick skin. And to stick to my own platforms, like this blog and the book I am writing. Does anyone else out there ‘feel’ me?
I’ve hit a snag with mental health advocacy. I volunteered for years at the nearby drop in. I had high security clearance and brought meetings into the psych ward. I developed an eating disorder meeting for them. I got sick with depression and a three year struggle with trying to get Tardive Dyskinesia under control…with both conditions I couldn’t volunteer for about a year and I fell off the volunteer rolls. Well again, well, well enough, I offered to bring a gentle Pilates Mat class and even get certified in group activity safety measures for them and for me. Well, as you can imagine, since the whole ‘story’ I tried to nicely write about them went south, they no longer think I’m ‘well’ enough to be a volunteer.
Despite this, I still tried to write a nice story about them and their services for International Bipolar Disorder. I interviewed the project director and took good notes. I gave her final editorial approval since I did want to quote her and wanted to improve our relationship. I guess I sent too many emails because as my deadline came and went, she was on vacation and I did not know. When she returned, I got a nasty email full of hypocritical ‘mindfulness’ telling me that her ‘intention’ is to show me kindness but I make it impossible by ‘bombarding’ her with emails. My deadline for the story had come and gone and I wanted to finish it. She works with the mentally ill so why should she expect so much out of me? Am I being discriminated against because I’m too high functioning? Let’s face it, I’m verbal, I’m not all doped up and docile and I ask questions. I try to express myself and spread the good news about treatment options, present and in the pipeline. And you would not believe how much is in the pipeline!!! Ketamine is a comin’!