The Passing of Stone Temple Pilot’s Scott Weiland

Very similar to Nirvana’s late Kurt Cobain, Weiland was dual diagnosis and his lyrics could be unintelligible. Anyone remember that refrain in ‘Plush,’ where he goes,

“And I feel and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her, will she smell alooooonnneee?”

What the hell was that? It was pain and we all felt it. He was not as well known as Kurt but his demise is no less tragic to me, no smaller of a loss. I was rooting for him. I cried like a baby when I heard he was gone because I knew he struggled with legal issues and back and forth drug addiction. I thought that like Robert Downey Junior or even me, he’d be one of the ‘lucky’ ones.

For cryin out loud, Axel Rose is still alive, why not Scott? And now that I mention that, Scott Weiland had several falling outs with his band and one of his best known side projects, “Velvet Revolver” had two former members of Guns and Roses playing with him.

 

We know that cocaine was found near his body and that gossip publication,TMZ, was printing stories of his relapse into crack cocaine and alcohol. My legitimate question is, how would they know that? Were they smoking it with him? What also is known is that cardio problems run in his family, crack couldn’t have helped his health. As an exercise bulimic who used to live on the natural Chinese stimulant, Ma Huang, I incurred heart health issues. Branch Block something or other. I have to wear a Holter monitor every year and then they tell me my abnormality falls within ‘normal.’ What I  do know is that I never had these issues before Ma Huang.

 

I picked up with Ma Huang innocently at a health food store in 2000 when I first was given Seroquel and gained weight so fast I panicked. Looking for a healthy way to suppress my appetite, I never dreamed Xenazine was bad for you until it was banned by the FDA.

All I know is that he’s gone and it makes me feel like my hold on life, mental health, sobriety etc is a tenuous one at best. If a giant tree like him falls in the forest, what does it mean for me?

Why Press on? Because you could be the cure you’re looking for.

Bipolar: Why press on? Bcause, you could be the breakthrough in…

Towing the Bipolar road, is, for most of us, tolerating the that we ‘never get ‘well,’ having to be satisfied with better or worse. We never are cured or become ‘undetectable.’

Sometimes it sure isn’t fun,  abstaining from alcohol and  recreational drugs, keeping journals, curbing our enthusiasm for online shopping, and especially, slamming the breaks and truly taking the time to evaluate a mate for their ability to be supportive should we crash.  We don’t always do this, but I married a man who left me because “He didn’t want to be married to a woman with bipolar disorder.” It we act on one impulse, we pay for it with the other impulse, the impulse to be safe.

Equally difficult to balance is mindfulness without self focus or selfishness.  I fail at this often and am often rejected socially, labeled an ‘intense’ personality. (That’s one reason that I chose Allison Strong as a radio name, you either ‘get’ me or you don’t. It worked in radio, my ratings were high due to polarizing people, in life it don’t work so good. In fact it hurts like hell.)

Then there’s the bitter pill of the limitations, the hard work, the mood swings (especially the depressions),  when the meds just stop working, the subsequent waiting rooms, and the weeks where I have three or four doctor’s appointments and scream with psychic overload. And you want me to add a therapist on to that overload???? Are YOU high?

What keeps me from flipping the switch to ‘off’? (Partly because once I do that, there is no return. So I stay where I’m at, the loser I am..staying out of fear of the unknown. God I crave a drink right now.

And, because, you, me, or anyone else could be the breakthrough, the outcome, the coping strategy, discovery or treatment in  bipolar disorder that we’ve all been hoping and waiting for.  If I take that drink or flip that switch I’ll never know. For all I know, I might become famous. But I’ll never know if I kill myself. Ooops trigger warning.

#bipolar disorder#mood swings#hope#end the stigma#Ibpf#hard Work#DBT#manic depression#amwriting#author#alternative music#creativity in bipolar people#Robert Evans#Montage of Heck#Kurt Cobain#Robin Williams#NAMI#NAMI Broward County

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Self Stigma: The Silent Killer amongst us.

We often perceive us ourselves as “Other,” of “Different” and in my case, because I’ve been open to it in AA, I encounter a lot of shunning and discrimination for having trying it to escape the thunder of fear in my heart that is depression. So, AA folk often shine me on or scold me for what I share in relation to “Depression makes me want to drink.” I’m still sober and hangin on by a thread.

Drop Self Stigma. It’s like beating yourself on the head with a two by four. Oh, yeah, that will make you feel better. #author #alternative music #The Edge #Pro Beach doubles volleyball  #Stanford University

#bipolar

#bipolar disorder

#mental Health

#Acting

#Modeling

#Designer Thift shops

1 last Morrissey November post: “November Spawned a Monster”

Have you ever heard this raging uptempo sorrowful tale of a child born deformed?

Yesterday I heard uptempo "November Spawned A Monster on Indie 103.1's "Breakfast with The Smiths." Listen at your own risk for depression! lol
Yesterday I heard uptempo “November Spawned A Monster on Indie 103.1’s “Breakfast with The Smiths.” Listen at your own risk for depression! lol
On November
Spawned a monster in the shape of this child who later cried
“But Jesus made me, so Jesus save me from pity, sympathy
And people discussing me, this frame of useless limbs
What can make good all the bad thats been done?”
And if the lights were out could you even bear
To kiss her full on the mouth or anywhere, oh?
Poor twisted child, so ugly, so ugly
Poor twisted child, oh hug me, oh hug me
One November
Spawned a monster in the shape of this child who must remain
A hostage to kindness and the wheels underneath her
A hostage to kindness and the wheels underneath her
A symbol… Full lyrics on Google Play

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