What about we who R sentenced to a lifetime struggle /mental illness?

 

The tortured man behind Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, who in the 90’s said he would not take anything for his diagnosis of bipolar disorder. And more.,….below. The suicides and accidental OD’s are only part of a much larger story!

 

trentreznorI was listening to Lithium yesterday (Sirius 90’s-my ‘stuck in the 70’s-type station’), and Matt Pinfield, a programmer I used to know, told a story about NIN’s Trent Reznor and how before he formed his band, he’d seen Ministry and fallen in love with Al Jourgenson’s vocal style and stage presence.

I wasn’t clear on the next part, but there was something about nails…an actual nine inch nail he pounded into a piece of wood and there ya go, Nine Inch Nails.

I wonder about Trent, how he’s doing now and how in the 90’s  he refused treatment for Bipolar Disorder. Even though I benefit (and get penalized healthwise) from psychiatric meds, I think that with the kind of agonized self expression he had with his band, he might have been able to transfer the majority of madness to the music so it didn’t eat him up inside.

But that only works for so long. When the creative well runs dry for a little or a long while, then what do you do with all that pain? Look at what happened to Hemingway, and many others?

We look at the suicides of movie stars, writers, artists, and rock musicians only when they happen and then we move on to a more pleasant topic.  We gave the most attention of late to the late Kurt Cobain yet his music lives on as if we never lost him.

People never talk about his bipolar diagnosis or his chronic pain. What drove him to the poppy to begin with.

What about the accidental OD’s of people like Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Anna Nicole Smith,     Rivers Phoenix, Scott Weiland, and so many  like me, sentenced to a lifelong struggle to achieve and retain mental health?

Add that to someone famous; with commercial restraints imposed on them by their handlers? The late Scott Weiland mentioned his ‘handlers’ or ‘minders,’ as he called his sobriety coaches, with sarcasm and disdain. How could he not when if you read AA’s Big Book, it’s emphasized that neither the material nor the wisdom within it be used for commercial gain?

When I went to rehab more times than I care to admit, I too was skeptical of  for profit centers reliant on the 12 steps as a framework for their programs. It’s not ethical. Yet we Canonize places like the Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs for making Liz Taylor Mop the Floor or Hazelden in Minnesota for having one of the “Cagney and Lacey” stars come back and give talks?

When one of the celebs accidentally experiences an early expiration date; falling off the shelf to their death,  we hardly notice and blame them for their symptoms-substance abuse. It’s a symptom, man, mental illness and inferior coping skills the cause.

Why should we cast aspersions on drug abusers looking for an instant fix to what ails them when we ourselves live in a ‘risk vs benefit,’ ‘drugs will fix it’ communal existence with the American Medical Association, Big Pharma and our own health care providers?

Why? Why? Why?

I Read Scott Weiland’s (Stone Temple Pilots singer songwriter) book

 

 

albumcoverI just finished Scott Weilands’ (former singer-songwriter for Stone Temple Pilots) memoirs.

 

Alcohol- being a self confessed, resigned to his fate drunk was his last vice and it’s what ultimately led him back to crack, which he felt cocaine as an evil drug that conjured up negative forces (I concur with that it happened to me in the 80s).

 

He had congenital cardiomyopathy, his brother died of crack and cardiac arrest and so did he.

 

This guy was a poet. His lyrics didn’t make sense but they did. And so many of his lyrics were about ‘selling out.’

 

“I’m not dead and I’m not for sale.”

“What’s real and what’s for sale.”

 

He married a supermodel who was also a drug addict and bipolar but to bear children she needed to stay straight, which she did.

 

She left him and was interviewed in bipolar magazine which is why I thought they would like my story about him.

I luv Jeremy Irons, Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Stanley Tucci &Tarantino

kevin

 

 

Can’t wait for Quentin Tarantino’s “Famous 8” also his 8th film. He often is nostalgia driven in his choice of song, camerawork, choice of actors who haven’t worked in years. (he revived Uma Thurman and John Travolta in 1993’s “Pulp Fiction,”  Michael Keaton in 1999’s “Jackie Brown” and also the career of black actress Pam Grier from blacksplotation films like “Foxy Brown.” He also works with Samuel L Jackson, Kurt Russel, Germany’s Christopher Waltz (a two time academy award winner for best supporting actor) and Brad PItt.

 

Just for kicks yesterday I watched a movie about a financial crisis at an investment company. Their risk-benefit equation was off, and their stock was worthless. It featured Demi Moore, Paul Bettany, Kevin Spacey (for comic relief of the tension) Stanly Tucci, Jeremy Irons and Simon Baker. There was a priceless scene after 80% of workforce on the floor was fired summarily, security guards, instant disconnection of cell phone and internet access etc. It’s grave and tense. Paul Bettany walks into Kevin Spacey’s office. Spacey had worked their thirty years. His head was laying on his desk and you’d think it was work related anguish. Bettany says “What’s wrong?” Spacey looks up tearfully and says, “My Dog’s Dying, She’s at the vet, bla bla I’m spending a thousand a day to keep her alive” and I just burst out in hysterical laughter for five minutes.

 

Then at the end, when Jeremy Irons has told them to sell all of their worthless shares supposed to be worth trillions of dollars and bankrupt all the other people on wall street and their investors, there is this scene where he is fine dining with a white tablecloth in an exclusive restaurant in the building. He is hunched over his table, drinking his wine like a vulture. He is doing a very dishonorable thing, saving his ass and bankrupting others. He’s like a lion dining on the carcass of the investment world. It’s great work.

Alternative Music and Chronic Pain: Retrograde on indie 103.1

Right now I’m listening to a batch of songs by the Clash that I’ve never heard. It’s a program called “Retrograde” from Indie 103.1 online. Listen Live. This is what’s called a Specialty Show, where an individual disc jockey gets to pick and present the songs he or she desires, not those dominated by a computer playlist. This music is so triumphant in tone, and I don’t know the titles of these songs or I would buy them.

I’ve been in a lot of low back pain lately. Almost went to the emergency room on Friday. The Medication isn’t helping. Now I feel slightly better.

Allison

I luv Jeremy Irons, Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Stanley Tucci &Tarantino

kevin

 

 

Can’t wait for Quentin Tarantino’s “Famous 8” also his 8th film. He often is nostalgia driven in his choice of song, camerawork, choice of actors who haven’t worked in years. (he revived Uma Thurman and John Travolta in 1993’s “Pulp Fiction,”  Michael Keaton in 1999’s “Jackie Brown” and also the career of black actress Pam Grier from blacksplotation films like “Foxy Brown.” He also works with Samuel L Jackson, Kurt Russel, Germany’s Christopher Waltz (a two time academy award winner for best supporting actor) and Brad PItt.

 

Just for kicks yesterday I watched a movie about a financial crisis at an investment company. Their risk-benefit equation was off, and their stock was worthless. It featured Demi Moore, Paul Bettany, Kevin Spacey (for comic relief of the tension) Stanly Tucci, Jeremy Irons and Simon Baker. There was a priceless scene after 80% of workforce on the floor was fired summarily, security guards, instant disconnection of cell phone and internet access etc. It’s grave and tense. Paul Bettany walks into Kevin Spacey’s office. Spacey had worked their thirty years. His head was laying on his desk and you’d think it was work related anguish. Bettany says “What’s wrong?” Spacey looks up tearfully and says, “My Dog’s Dying, She’s at the vet, bla bla I’m spending a thousand a day to keep her alive” and I just burst out in hysterical laughter for five minutes.

 

Then at the end, when Jeremy Irons has told them to sell all of their worthless shares supposed to be worth trillions of dollars and bankrupt all the other people on wall street and their investors, there is this scene where he is fine dining with a white tablecloth in an exclusive restaurant in the building. He is hunched over his table, drinking his wine like a vulture. He is doing a very dishonorable thing, saving his ass and bankrupting others. He’s like a lion dining on the carcass of the investment world. It’s great work.

My Dark Side: Nirvana, Morrissey and Nine Inch Nails

As I drove to the gym yesterday listening to Sirius’s “Lithium,” Nirvana’s rarely heard “on a plain” was blasting in my car stereo. Sirius, expensive but worth it. Then came Nine Inch Nail’s “Head like a Hole,” which made me turn the radio up even louder. I was lucky to be able to play these songs on the radio, first because they were good, but I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and could really relate. Later when someone published that Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nail’s visionary) was dx with bipolar disorder and didn’t want to take medicine, I could really understand. That raw pain he expressed in his music, the rage and fury of betrayal in “Terrible Lie,” he probably didn’t want to lose that.

My Dark Side: Nirvana, Morrissey and Nine Inch Nails

As I drove to the gym yesterday listening to Sirius’s “Lithium,” Nirvana’s rarely heard “on a plain” was blasting in my car stereo. Sirius, expensive but worth it. Then came Nine Inch Nail’s “Head like a Hole,” which made me turn the radio up even louder. I was lucky to be able to play these songs on the radio, first because they were good, but I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and could really relate. Later when someone published that Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nail’s visionary) was dx with bipolar disorder and didn’t want to take medicine, I could really understand. That raw pain he expressed in his music, the rage and fury of betrayal in “Terrible Lie,” he probably didn’t want to lose that.