Breaking free of 12-Step Dogma re Opiates and other Addictions

 

Was a professional beach volleyball player, very very active exercise bulimic, exercise addiction have had 4 foot surgeries, and big ones, 2 knee surgeries, and am now 56, 2 days away from 57. On and off opiates for 25 years, post operatively and when surgeries went south due to doctor malpractice.

Been thinking about opiate epidemic alot and the thread that runs through depression, despair and addiction, because I fell in that trap. I ended up taking an unusual way out, not the traditional dogma and so forth. I’ve been to so many different programs OA, AA, group therapy and hospitalization for same, surgeries from overexercise, and being that as an actor, thin was in..1970’s, Post Twiggy Lauren Hutton Culture, the opiates…well they snuck through the side door when cocaine was the main attraction. It follows, in this case, I needed an alternate egress of escape.

Same with my Tardive Dyskinesia (TD) I got from my atypical antipsychotic, one that they don’t prescribe much anymore it’s so neurologically aggravating, according to comparative studies of these products. I have these uncontrollable movements, also bad for pain, especially if you have it.

This conditions are one big knot of iatrogenic (Caused by drugs, medical treatment or medicine itself) disorders, particularly psych drugs. The fallout of all of it, especially the side effects of widely popular, highly profitable medication is the big elephant in the room. I hate to use this overused catchphrase, but it’s stigma. Even though the drugs caused these problems, I always felt I was the disease.

Just like with the opiate epidemic. Who wants to stand up and say that they never want to get high again but at the same time can’t imagine a life without  Even thinking about it is abysmal. Who wants to commit to quitting, something they can’t commit to? Plus, people are in legitimate pain, at least, I was.

There’s a whole new way of looking at Addiction and some of the limitations of the traditional, one size fits all, punitive ‘the program.’ Don’t get me wrong. If it weren’t for AA I might not be alive, but there are some things about it I’m glad I left behind.

Black and white thinking, for one. Paternalism, for two. Little digs at the soul such as “Once an Addict Always an Addict” not helpful to me.

On the other hand, the big book of AA is one of the most inspired texts on the planet. I believe it was a divine act, or Bill and Bob were savants of one sort or another. As Bobby Womack sort of sang in “Across 110th Street”  ( Tarantino’s “Jackie Brown,”) You never know what you’ll do until your back is…I’m going to go look that lyric up right about now. Music is Medicine to me.

Allison Strong

Bipolar Comorbid Inc. Bipolar Hope Article about the power of Passive Resistance

outofthewaterbullsharkFL

They’re after me.

Who is that “Strong” Woman behind these pictures? That loudmouth writer, Allison “Strong?”

The fight has gone out. Bipolar Comorbid Inc.  “Too much Information Driving Me Insane” (The Police)

But like Ali, the fire hasn’t left my eyes.

Last night binging “Bloodline” on Netflix, I heard the rock sax sounds of the band “Morphine,” doing a 90’s song, “Sharks Patrol These Waters.”

So looked for and found all my Morphine CD’s.

Predictably, they’re empty.

So are the Steely Dans.  Go. Passive. Again. Find strength in that.

Here’s my new bipolar hope article. Please be kind and click to its’ source, Bipolar Hope, bphope.com

(I’m measured by clicks).

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

 

Bipolar Comorbid Inc. Bipolar Hope Article about the power of Passive Resistance

outofthewaterbullsharkFL

They’re after me.

Who is that “Strong” Woman behind these pictures? That loudmouth writer, Allison “Strong?”

The fight has gone out. Bipolar Comorbid Inc.  “Too much Information Driving Me Insane” (The Police)

But like Ali, the fire hasn’t left my eyes.

Last night binging “Bloodline” on Netflix, I heard the rock sax sounds of the band “Morphine,” doing a 90’s song, “Sharks Patrol These Waters.”

So looked for and found all my Morphine CD’s.

Predictably, they’re empty.

So are the Steely Dans.  Go. Passive. Again. Find strength in that.

Here’s my new bipolar hope article. Please be kind and click to its’ source, Bipolar Hope, bphope.com

(I’m measured by clicks).

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

 

Bipolar Comorbid Inc. Bipolar Hope Article re power of Passive Resistance

outofthewaterbullsharkFL

They’re after me.

Who is that “Strong” Woman behind these pictures? That loudmouth writer, Allison “Strong?”

The fight has gone out. Bipolar Comorbid Inc.  “Too much Information Driving Me Insane” (The Police)

But like Ali, the fire hasn’t left my eyes.

Last night binging “Bloodline” on Netflix, I heard the rock sax sounds of the band “Morphine,” doing a 90’s song, “Sharks Patrol These Waters.”

So looked for and found all my Morphine CD’s.

Predictably, they’re empty.

So are the Steely Dans.  Go. Passive. Again. Find strength in that.

Here’s my new bipolar hope article. Please be kind and click to its’ source, Bipolar Hope, bphope.com

(I’m measured by clicks).

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

 

Bipolar Comorbid Inc. Bipolar Hope Article about the power of Passive Resistance

outofthewaterbullsharkFL

They’re after me.

Who is that “Strong” Woman behind these pictures? That loudmouth writer, Allison “Strong?”

The fight has gone out. Bipolar Comorbid Inc.  “Too much Information Driving Me Insane” (The Police)

But like Ali, the fire hasn’t left my eyes.

Last night binging “Bloodline” on Netflix, I heard the rock sax sounds of the band “Morphine,” doing a 90’s song, “Sharks Patrol These Waters.”

So looked for and found all my Morphine CD’s.

Predictably, they’re empty.

So are the Steely Dans.  Go. Passive. Again. Find strength in that.

Here’s my new bipolar hope article. Please be kind and click to its’ source, Bipolar Hope, bphope.com

(I’m measured by clicks).

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

 

I Read Scott Weiland’s (Stone Temple Pilots singer songwriter) book

 

 

albumcoverI just finished Scott Weilands’ (former singer-songwriter for Stone Temple Pilots) memoirs.

 

Alcohol- being a self confessed, resigned to his fate drunk was his last vice and it’s what ultimately led him back to crack, which he felt cocaine as an evil drug that conjured up negative forces (I concur with that it happened to me in the 80s).

 

He had congenital cardiomyopathy, his brother died of crack and cardiac arrest and so did he.

 

This guy was a poet. His lyrics didn’t make sense but they did. And so many of his lyrics were about ‘selling out.’

 

“I’m not dead and I’m not for sale.”

“What’s real and what’s for sale.”

 

He married a supermodel who was also a drug addict and bipolar but to bear children she needed to stay straight, which she did.

 

She left him and was interviewed in bipolar magazine which is why I thought they would like my story about him.

I luv Jeremy Irons, Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Stanley Tucci &Tarantino

kevin

 

 

Can’t wait for Quentin Tarantino’s “Famous 8” also his 8th film. He often is nostalgia driven in his choice of song, camerawork, choice of actors who haven’t worked in years. (he revived Uma Thurman and John Travolta in 1993’s “Pulp Fiction,”  Michael Keaton in 1999’s “Jackie Brown” and also the career of black actress Pam Grier from blacksplotation films like “Foxy Brown.” He also works with Samuel L Jackson, Kurt Russel, Germany’s Christopher Waltz (a two time academy award winner for best supporting actor) and Brad PItt.

 

Just for kicks yesterday I watched a movie about a financial crisis at an investment company. Their risk-benefit equation was off, and their stock was worthless. It featured Demi Moore, Paul Bettany, Kevin Spacey (for comic relief of the tension) Stanly Tucci, Jeremy Irons and Simon Baker. There was a priceless scene after 80% of workforce on the floor was fired summarily, security guards, instant disconnection of cell phone and internet access etc. It’s grave and tense. Paul Bettany walks into Kevin Spacey’s office. Spacey had worked their thirty years. His head was laying on his desk and you’d think it was work related anguish. Bettany says “What’s wrong?” Spacey looks up tearfully and says, “My Dog’s Dying, She’s at the vet, bla bla I’m spending a thousand a day to keep her alive” and I just burst out in hysterical laughter for five minutes.

 

Then at the end, when Jeremy Irons has told them to sell all of their worthless shares supposed to be worth trillions of dollars and bankrupt all the other people on wall street and their investors, there is this scene where he is fine dining with a white tablecloth in an exclusive restaurant in the building. He is hunched over his table, drinking his wine like a vulture. He is doing a very dishonorable thing, saving his ass and bankrupting others. He’s like a lion dining on the carcass of the investment world. It’s great work.

Alternative Music and Chronic Pain: Retrograde on indie 103.1

Right now I’m listening to a batch of songs by the Clash that I’ve never heard. It’s a program called “Retrograde” from Indie 103.1 online. Listen Live. This is what’s called a Specialty Show, where an individual disc jockey gets to pick and present the songs he or she desires, not those dominated by a computer playlist. This music is so triumphant in tone, and I don’t know the titles of these songs or I would buy them.

I’ve been in a lot of low back pain lately. Almost went to the emergency room on Friday. The Medication isn’t helping. Now I feel slightly better.

Allison

I luv Jeremy Irons, Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Stanley Tucci &Tarantino

kevin

 

 

Can’t wait for Quentin Tarantino’s “Famous 8” also his 8th film. He often is nostalgia driven in his choice of song, camerawork, choice of actors who haven’t worked in years. (he revived Uma Thurman and John Travolta in 1993’s “Pulp Fiction,”  Michael Keaton in 1999’s “Jackie Brown” and also the career of black actress Pam Grier from blacksplotation films like “Foxy Brown.” He also works with Samuel L Jackson, Kurt Russel, Germany’s Christopher Waltz (a two time academy award winner for best supporting actor) and Brad PItt.

 

Just for kicks yesterday I watched a movie about a financial crisis at an investment company. Their risk-benefit equation was off, and their stock was worthless. It featured Demi Moore, Paul Bettany, Kevin Spacey (for comic relief of the tension) Stanly Tucci, Jeremy Irons and Simon Baker. There was a priceless scene after 80% of workforce on the floor was fired summarily, security guards, instant disconnection of cell phone and internet access etc. It’s grave and tense. Paul Bettany walks into Kevin Spacey’s office. Spacey had worked their thirty years. His head was laying on his desk and you’d think it was work related anguish. Bettany says “What’s wrong?” Spacey looks up tearfully and says, “My Dog’s Dying, She’s at the vet, bla bla I’m spending a thousand a day to keep her alive” and I just burst out in hysterical laughter for five minutes.

 

Then at the end, when Jeremy Irons has told them to sell all of their worthless shares supposed to be worth trillions of dollars and bankrupt all the other people on wall street and their investors, there is this scene where he is fine dining with a white tablecloth in an exclusive restaurant in the building. He is hunched over his table, drinking his wine like a vulture. He is doing a very dishonorable thing, saving his ass and bankrupting others. He’s like a lion dining on the carcass of the investment world. It’s great work.

1 last Morrissey November post: “November Spawned a Monster”

Have you ever heard this raging uptempo sorrowful tale of a child born deformed?

Yesterday I heard uptempo "November Spawned A Monster on Indie 103.1's "Breakfast with The Smiths." Listen at your own risk for depression! lol
Yesterday I heard uptempo “November Spawned A Monster on Indie 103.1’s “Breakfast with The Smiths.” Listen at your own risk for depression! lol
On November
Spawned a monster in the shape of this child who later cried
“But Jesus made me, so Jesus save me from pity, sympathy
And people discussing me, this frame of useless limbs
What can make good all the bad thats been done?”
And if the lights were out could you even bear
To kiss her full on the mouth or anywhere, oh?
Poor twisted child, so ugly, so ugly
Poor twisted child, oh hug me, oh hug me
One November
Spawned a monster in the shape of this child who must remain
A hostage to kindness and the wheels underneath her
A hostage to kindness and the wheels underneath her
A symbol… Full lyrics on Google Play