This is the view from my living room. Very hard to be depressed. Spending a lot of time out there. My part of the AIA coastal road in Hollywood is very 70’s with the two story not tell motels and easy access to the beach (lack of parking makes it so beach is private) as the Talking Heads sang, “What did I do to deserve This?”
Here are this week’s words….I think this is my “Bill Cunningham” (the guy who just died who rode around the streets of NYC with his camera and took photos for the ‘street style’ half page in the New York Times) anyway I think I just do this word thing cuz I like it myself. I figure if it makes me feel better….with bipolar and all, maybe you will find it fun, too.
swivet: fluster, panic reaction
rivulet: small stream but then you knew that.
bombastic: loud but w/o meaning or substance (I wonder who they were talking about there!)
exedra: Semicircular in nature, in Ancient Greek or Roman houses, a room with these sort of love seats where people can sit and talk.
I’ve been lucky in that somehow I’ve been picked up as a blogger by International Bipolar Disorder and NAMI but truly for every four submissions I send out to other digital publications, only one gets picked up. I got really close to being picked up by Bipolar Magazine’s digital arm, “Bipolar Hope.” They take a lot of drug company money in terms of advertising and I challenged them by sending a Tardive Dyskinesia story. If I had really wanted the twice monthly opportunity, I should have sent them a glossier blog on a ‘shiny happy people’ (REM song) topic. See, IBPF has the distinction of being totally independent financially from the drug companies, so we bloggers can be a bit more truthful, blunt, even, if the subject is so. But we balance it out by emphasizing that it does get better.
The rest of my submissions are rejected for one reason or another. There was Stigma fighters, I guess that evaluating my 25 year struggle on paper I told too many stories and talked about meds too much. When you develop Tardive Dyskinesia, Sexual Side Effects, Terrible Constipation, Constant hunger and Metabolic syndrome (half-way to diabetes thru no fault of my own…I eat good am very active and slender) it’s pretty hard to ignore the challenges and victories over those problems like they don’t exist,
I mean think about this: How many of us have gained or watched a loved one weight and not be able to lose it after being put on psych meds? There are advances in Western Science and Alternative solutions too, and I want to write about my journey. After all, I’m still alive and pretty happy.
Then there was the ‘seeds of hope’ submission and they objected to too much personal narrative and not enough of a “we can conquer thru ideology” presentation. So I’ve realized that in all this advocacy, I have to nurture myself, focus on what’s really important and develop a thick skin. And to stick to my own platforms, like this blog and the book I am writing. Does anyone else out there ‘feel’ me?
I lived the LA fast life. I dined at Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills when tables weren’t available. Mr. Chow has several international locations. His last wife died of HIV and was a supermodel. His new wife, Tina, is from Korea and was profiled in Sunday’s New York Times Style section. She gave up a boutique designing career to marry her husband. She is now a philanthropist, mainly a patron of the arts. Her galas include guests like Vogue’s Anna Wintour, Jude Law and other A listers.
In Steely Dan’s “Glamour Profession,” which I think is off the “Gaucho” album, he refers to dinners “At Mr. Chow’s.” Now that’s a reference only understood by those ‘in the know,’ which at the time, I sort of was. We went with Jerry Moss, the A of A&M, and his wife Annie, a former supermodel as well. She later took up a philanthropic cause of her own, saving the Whales. Music is everywhere and depressed or manic, it gets through. It’s when it doesn’t that I know I’m in real trouble.