“Go Further:” Dad was Ford Dealer, I’m bipolar, with “A Better Idea”

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

We’ve come a long way, baby. On the right we have the Ford Explorer. For you millenials, pictured top left was the disastrous contraption called The Ford Pinto.

People howled over Pinto jokes for years but it wasn’t funny. The placement of the engine, in the rear, beneath the trunk or flip top back was terrible if you got rear ended. Dad survived the 70’s Oil Embargo and supported his brood of four daughters during a very rough time. Pinto and all.

I admit, I was spoiled. I certainly was certainly unprepared for the shocker of Bipolar Disorder, that’s for sure.

And I have a whole new way of dealing with mood cycles and other downers that come up in life. You could say I’m “Going Further.”

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-mood-cycles-stop-fighting-and-win/

Trappings of female liberation found amongst ISIS sex slaves in Iraq

isis

 

Apparently, according to the Quran, a man may not lay with a woman who is already bearing a child. This is, according to the readings, so there is no confusion of paternity of the baby, once it’s born.  This gets complicated with ISIS and their female slaves. All they have to do is capture them to enslave them. Back in the old days, they waited  30 days after buying or capturing or a new slave to see if she has her menstrual period..

But now, No Muss, no fuss. These girls are having abortions, getting hormone injections of Depo provera, taking  birth control pills, the ‘day after’ pill and being hauled in for countless blood and urine tests to make sure they are not with child.

 

We associate contraception with women’s lib. This is anything but. They are making the reproductive decisions for the women themselves.

They are all for modern conveniences when it’s convenient.

These guys are in a hurry. After all, tomorrow they may go to Allah and all of those virgins in Paradise so they gotta move on what’s alive, in front of them and their property. When they tire of one, they give her away and procure another.

Raping a female slave is permitted in the Quran under any circumstance barring her being pregnant.

Cash In Hand Egyptian Mercedes Benz customer makes commotion & gets spread in NYT Y is this weird/

mercedes

 

Any time I see something about the Middle East I read it. We as a country and especially me, have known so little for so long. I can’t wait to read Anna Secor’s “Children of Paradise” out of Iran. But this one was classic. As you know, Saudi Petrobucks have all but dried up. They used to send Egypt billions but now can’t afford to. To finish Egypt’s ecomony out was the disastrous shooting of the Russian Bound plane from the Red Sea out of the sky. They have lost 1.5 billion or more in tourodollars.

But the poor can’t even afford cooking oil or bread and it gets no play, none of our attention. Then a young, entitled wealthy guy goes into dealership to find his model is not available to drive out that day.

He gets a three page spread in the front Section of The New York Times….now tell me, what stunt do I have to pull to get that kind of fame and attention?mercedes

Why I don’t always talk about bipolar disorder, depression etc

robinwright

 

I should probably address the illness more, since I tag it. The reason I post so many of my global observations or stuff about Cable TV shows …..now that we’re almost done with new season of House of Cards, we’re getting Danish “Borgen” (3 seasons) and “Deutschland 83″…this is how I escape. There is something about reading the news and ongoing study regarding healthcare matters that pulls me out of bipolar depressions, so that is what I bring to the blog….stuff that’s keeping me excited and engaged with life.

At one time it was Jewelry Making.

Now, it’s reading and writing and politically oriented television like “Madame Secretary.”

But when I’m in the mood for a riotous laugh, I take a tip from my friend Dyane (“Birth of a New Brain”) and turn to “CSI Miami” to watch David Caruso as Horatio whoever, put on or take off his sunglasses, place his hands on his hips and give a deadpan-ridiculous one liner sure to make me laugh. As if life was so simple.

Stigma where it shouldn’t be: My local Nami.

This is a letter to another person who has tardive dyskinesia and is quiet about it. She’s smarter than me. She realizes it scares people. I’m writing her about being stigmatized and discriminated against by my local drop in center and local Nami. This is not the first time I’ve looked at this issue. For all of you people who are trying to advocate, help others, sometimes they don’t want our particular voice to be heard. I took her name out of the letter and am reprinting it and asking you…should I let NAMI national know about this situation or let it lie? I’ve already cried ‘foul’ locally in a very measured, calm manner. The problem is trouble begets trouble. What would it help? Would it result in more doors being shut in my face? My local Nami is Broward County Florida, by the way. This is my way of asking you: What should I do about this?

Allison

Dear M,

 

Buzzfeed published a list of thirty books on mental illness. My book is beginning to just come pouring out of me. I added bipolar hope blog and a one-off on Mindful Management of Mood Disorders-DBT to my list of publishers. When I saw this list, because I had gotten my first list of books from you, naturally I thought of you.

 

I have a thorny situation I thought I would ask your advice. I want to volunteer in mental health in more than just writing. I am doing a type of telephone outreach developing a database for IBPF and since I’m decent on the phone from years of being a disc jockey and know how to talk naturally, (you just talk and mumble and they get it..they don’t feel ‘slicked’ out..you know?) I am enjoying that.

 

 

Here is the situation. I wanted to write a second article about a drop in center that I’d written a first article about. In past, I volunteered for three years with high hospital clearance. I lead a good peer support meeting. I developed an eating disorder meeting, got us in newspaper, showed up until others began tooo..in short the meeting is still running today. I fell off their volunteer rolls. When I asked to be put back on and take the class, I was told I was too unstable. While it’s true I’m verbal, impulsive and sometimes dominant, especialy with people who have thought disorders and are going at a slower speed, I’ve worked on it and have gotten better.

 

AT that drop in center, there are peer volunteers who have offered me drugs in the parking lot. Others make professional appointments to fix the computer for example and don’t show or call to cancel. I even get calls from paranoid volunteers who think the CIA is after them. I don’t do things like this and I don’t report either. But I’ve run into the same problem with NAMI. I attended a few of their ‘connections’ meetings and was scolded for nodding my head and saying ‘uh huh,’ when someone was talking. They solicited volunteers to lead more support groups. I am really good at this. My calls go unanswered. I tried a third time and filled out a telephone application with the head office volunteer and told him about the problem at “Rebel’s Drop In.” He reassured me I’d done the right thing by confiding in him, as the information would have been relayed to him anyway. They vet us thoroughly. I have been told twice they have no one to do the newsletter. This would be so easy for me and I volunteered. My application has been ignored for two weeks. I followed up with a phone call a week ago and left a message about ‘starting slow and small to work towards a common goal.” it was also ignored.  I got an email from them yesterday and cooly responded that I’m aware I’m being discriminated against because “she’s got that.” she’s ‘trouble,’ ‘she’s angry.’

 

So my email just said, “I’m not angry, this happens to me a lot since I got Tardive and that I understand I’m the face of a fearsome statistic even though I’m asymptomatic. I think it’s the tardive. If I had never mentioned it in a “Connections” meeting I would have been warmly welcomed. I have a strong skill set.

 

Sometimes doctors won’t take me as a patient, and the ones willing to explain said it was because they viewed me as ‘trouble,’ ‘a walking lawsuit’ a ‘basketcase on too many drugs.’ My own psychiatrist of  17 years says I’m an ‘exotic’ and that people just don’t understand.

 

I feel good. I had bipolar depression last year from April to Mid july and it was tough. My new antidepressant is hard to keep down, side effect of nausea. But I’m a trouper.  I realize certain things aren’t meant to be. I was hoping to volunteer for the drop in center or Nami by facilitating ‘connections’ or a ‘mat pilates’ class. The nearest DBT class is held there. I don’t feel comfortable or supported there.

 

I wanted involvement with Nami to learn more about things like mental health parity, ballot initiatives, etc. I had wanted to do a series of articles called “Activism Made Easy” giving examples of petitions signable by the click of a mouse. I was hoping to soak up their expertise. I’d be a great grant writer. Maybe I’m meant to write my book and isolate. I crave human interaction, especially with my peers.

 

I’m at a fork in the road. I’m considering contacting Nami’s national branch and explaining the situation. I am continuing to work on my character defects and off putting personality traits. But I hurt deep inside at an organization dedicated to eliminating inequality and stigma stigmatizing me. It really hurts, M.

 

Allison Biszantz

So be clear: I’m being discriminated against and not allowed to contribute there in any way even though I could help fundraise, do the newsletter, start and nurture new “Connections” meetings and more. I’m also considered ‘not stable enough’ to volunteer again at the local drop in center. That is also a deteriorating situation. Question is…how far should I take this?

 

 

Live To Tell on “The History Channel”

Peter Berg

 

Peter Berg, a fabulous actor “The Last Seduction”(indie film) “Chicago Hope” and “Alias”…you’ll see him here and there. He spearheaded the film and TV show “Friday Night Lights,” which heartbreakingly illustrated how integral Religion and High School
Football are to small town Texas.

One of his early movies was “terrible things,” a dark comedy about a Las Vegas Bachelor Party gone horribly wrong. So funny.

Now he has a series on Navy Seals called “Live To Tell.”

There are the guys who go in and do our dirty work, sometimes with complete deniability, similarly to those pressed into service during the Bengazi siege. They were there supposedly as drivers for the Ambassador, who was a real idealist, who believed in American involvement to right the careening ship of Libyan rule after the toppling of a 42-year reign of terror w/Quaddafi. (sp…can’t spell worth shit)

But this is not about Libya. It’s about Peter Berg and his new series. You have to see it to believe it.

I’m on a Charlotte Rampling Kick

ramplingolder

The hostess of horror is back with a new film, “45 Years”

Charlotte Rampling specializes in roles that attempt to normalize the most horrific. I call her the ‘hostess of horror.’

I became aware of her when I saw a Mickey Roarke Robert Deniro movie about selling one’s soul to the devil (an old theme if ever there was one) and she played a New Orleans Voodooienne who met her bloody end before they could extract her prophesies and spells. I learned about her role in “The Night Porter,” Reveled in her role as serial killer “Dexter’s” unconditionally approving, supportive and loving psychiatrist who specialized in childhood trauma and two recent films: The role of the stern, black and white “Women Must Endure these things” mother of Keira Knightly in “The Duchess.” It’s a terrific film also starring Ralph Fiennes as the uncouth Duke she is forced into marriage with. Then another film with Keira Knightly called “Never Let me Go” about using British Orphans solely for the purpose of organ donation. She played the head of the institution that schooled these orphans into thinking they were serving a high purpose parting with their parts one by one until they weakened and died. Now she’s back in a movie about a wonderful marriage shattered by something horrific. I can’t wait to see it.

She’s the model of a cosmetics campaign for Nas Cosmetics, joining octogenarian Joan Didion as a fine example of the grace of aging. What could be better for us? Sometimes life is horrible but we have to make the best of it and see light in the dark, as she seems to.

“13 Hours” (Bengaze) Pablo and Liev Schreiber. Can u believe these two are brothers?

 

 

 

schreiber as Pornstache on 'orange'                              Schreiber

 

Does anyone remember Ray Donovan or the Newspaper editor in “Spotlight” played by Liev Schrieber? He has a talented brother, Pablo, who played the comic relief role of “Pornstasche” or however the hell you spell upper facial hair. Pictured above. He also plays the outspoken, irreverent and defiant operative in “13 Hours” nicknamed Tonto. He wisecracks, even in the midst of carnage, provide greatly needed comic relief. The film is worth seeing even if you are tired of the the mashed about topic, just to see Pablo’s genius at work.

Under the Bridge in Kabul-opiate addiction

 

 

Addicts languishing on the banks of the Kabul River

afganaddictsAnyone remember the song about addiction and homelessness by The Red Hot Chili Peppers called “Under the Bridge?” Here we go again.

Man, I thought heroin addicts had it rough in this country. At least we have Methadone clinics for the overflow of addicts who can’t actually kick. That program reduces the spread of illness, so even though it’s less than perfect, it’s a long term temporary solution for some addicts who don’t ‘graduate’ to sobriety, such as it is.

In Afghanistan, cheap heroin, easy access, unemployment, lack of housing, fraying families, malnutrition, and untreated mental illnesses are just a few factors of the epidemic most vividly illustrated by a New York Times piece about the heroin addicts gathering in informal ‘drug camps’ under the bridges of the River Kabul. It’s gotten to be such an eyesore that other residents line up on the bridges to watch. Schadenfreud. Again.

It’s said that  you walk on the riverbank you can hear the crunch of hundreds of thousands dirty needles underfoot. Afghanistan is the world’s largest producer of opiates and reports say 12% or more adults there are addicted.

Something’s being done about it but it will just staunch the bleeding. These people are rounded up and being sent to some ad hoc sort of treatment program at an empty United States Military base from 2003.

When the base was abandoned apparently we took all the goodies, televisions, kitchens, but they are doing the best they can. They are only allowed to stay for 180 days and there are no aftercare programs to help prevent relapse.

When I read the part about the needles crunching underfoot, I got a powerful visual.

What about we who R sentenced to a lifetime struggle /mental illness?

 

The tortured man behind Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, who in the 90’s said he would not take anything for his diagnosis of bipolar disorder. And more.,….below. The suicides and accidental OD’s are only part of a much larger story!

 

trentreznorI was listening to Lithium yesterday (Sirius 90’s-my ‘stuck in the 70’s-type station’), and Matt Pinfield, a programmer I used to know, told a story about NIN’s Trent Reznor and how before he formed his band, he’d seen Ministry and fallen in love with Al Jourgenson’s vocal style and stage presence.

I wasn’t clear on the next part, but there was something about nails…an actual nine inch nail he pounded into a piece of wood and there ya go, Nine Inch Nails.

I wonder about Trent, how he’s doing now and how in the 90’s  he refused treatment for Bipolar Disorder. Even though I benefit (and get penalized healthwise) from psychiatric meds, I think that with the kind of agonized self expression he had with his band, he might have been able to transfer the majority of madness to the music so it didn’t eat him up inside.

But that only works for so long. When the creative well runs dry for a little or a long while, then what do you do with all that pain? Look at what happened to Hemingway, and many others?

We look at the suicides of movie stars, writers, artists, and rock musicians only when they happen and then we move on to a more pleasant topic.  We gave the most attention of late to the late Kurt Cobain yet his music lives on as if we never lost him.

People never talk about his bipolar diagnosis or his chronic pain. What drove him to the poppy to begin with.

What about the accidental OD’s of people like Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Anna Nicole Smith,     Rivers Phoenix, Scott Weiland, and so many  like me, sentenced to a lifelong struggle to achieve and retain mental health?

Add that to someone famous; with commercial restraints imposed on them by their handlers? The late Scott Weiland mentioned his ‘handlers’ or ‘minders,’ as he called his sobriety coaches, with sarcasm and disdain. How could he not when if you read AA’s Big Book, it’s emphasized that neither the material nor the wisdom within it be used for commercial gain?

When I went to rehab more times than I care to admit, I too was skeptical of  for profit centers reliant on the 12 steps as a framework for their programs. It’s not ethical. Yet we Canonize places like the Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs for making Liz Taylor Mop the Floor or Hazelden in Minnesota for having one of the “Cagney and Lacey” stars come back and give talks?

When one of the celebs accidentally experiences an early expiration date; falling off the shelf to their death,  we hardly notice and blame them for their symptoms-substance abuse. It’s a symptom, man, mental illness and inferior coping skills the cause.

Why should we cast aspersions on drug abusers looking for an instant fix to what ails them when we ourselves live in a ‘risk vs benefit,’ ‘drugs will fix it’ communal existence with the American Medical Association, Big Pharma and our own health care providers?

Why? Why? Why?