Bipolar Depression…it’s baaacckkk! and 2,000 of my ‘Itunes’ songs are ‘Missing!’ Still!

anglemegyn

I’m depressed again.

This really sucks. How long’s it gonna last? I can’t think of any antidepressant I HAVEN’T TAKEN. So what do we do?

When it hit me, I spent the next two days in bed. But I can’t do that. So I crawled out and went to starbucks, my daily routine with the newspaper. I’m going to continue writing and blogging and doing the stuff I do…I just don’t enjoy it half as much.

Even lifting weights. I do it because I believe it’s really good, physically, for the mind. Prevents cognitive decline. So I’ve been going on iTunes, even though I’m one of the people who have that bug, and burning songs. Some that I buy won’t download. They have this little exclamation point right to the left. There are tons of forums about this.

 

Apple’s position? The problem is on our end and they take no responsibility. In the meantime I purchase new music by Guided By Voices, Daft Punk and even the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who I was never that crazy about. Like Primus. You call that music? I donnaknow.

 

Indie Pharmacies an Endangered Species…The only kind who understands and cares

pills

I am on a tear to save independent pharmacies being driven out of business. If you read my stuff, you know I have bipolar/tardive/borderline diabetic side effects. When I got tardive my publix of fifteen years bumped me off. My complications were too much for them. I found an indie which is why I wrote this story. Indies are being driven out of business. Conflict of interest/collusion between pharmacy benefit managers and the drugstores they own and government laws that benefit….well you get the picture.

One click is all I need to support this movement.

http://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-strong-my-pharmacist-has-my-back/

 

#OnePatientOneGoodPharmacist

 

Mentally Ill Dying in Prison Transport Vans

When I was driving home from my tardive dyskinesia neurologist appointment in Gainesville I read an article that made me shudder. It could be me. Prisoners being driving from one facility to another are at the mercy of untrained people who drive the vans and have more of a trucker mentality. It’s about how many people you can get quickly from one place to another. So they jam the vans, deprive the prisoners of bathroom breaks, etc. When a mentally ill person doesn’t get their meds for three or four days they can decompensate and start babbling loudly or drooling, one person died of Xanax withdrawal.

 

I thought…’It could have been me.’ I’ve been privileged to have good care and avoid the hospital for seventeen years but when my former bff called the cops on me and told them I was suicidal, I was in a holding area very similar to a county jail. A long time ago, the eighties, I had legal problems re my drug habit and went to jail five times, so I know what I’m talking about.

 

The problem is the privatization of public prison and jail systems. These people know how to penny pinch but it’s at the expense of those they transport and their human rights.

On the road with 3 sizes of Clothes

gainesvilletwo You would never know this by my tags  but packing for this trip to see my father on his farm was murder. First of all, my weight varies a great deal, largely due to my psych meds, namely clozaril. Other atypicals, like Seroquel and Zyprexa, among others, do this too. Thus, I have three sizes of clothes in my closet, and I had to FACE THE MONSTER when packing, and try them on, all while, trying not to get triggered when stuff didn’t fit. I made lists but I still spaced out and forgot to pack warm weather clothes for a heat wave in Kentucky. So we hat to hit a clothing store for some short sleeved shirts after the airport. Still, nothing  I wear is ever good enough for my father, and I’m never thin enough. This is sort of why, in addition to bipolar, I have an eating disorder too. More from the farm later.

Self Advocacy

tiarawithoutsilver 001Even warrior princesses crash and burn sometimes….

 

Oh, the time it takes! I lost my grant to get through the part D ‘coverage gap’ or also called ‘Donut Hole.’ I have to be on “Straight Medicare” because I see so many specialists and even my primary won’t accept one of the “Medicare Disadvantage Plans.” He says they are necessary (“Straight Medicare) for ‘Survivability’ but then, Dr. Morton can be a tad dark.

But right now, so am I? How am I going to afford my drugs in the spring of next year?

When they talk about Mental Health Reform, they should start with the Donut hole, because if you get someone all fixed up with mood stabilizers or antipsychotics, and then the donut hole hits…they go all the way back to square one. It’s Sisyphean even. Rolling that stone up the hill over and over only to have it roll down again.

There has got to be some rich person out there who would love my tardive dyskinesia book to be published, give me a small grant so I can pursue that. I’m already hunting down sources so I can get metrics. But who is listening to me, anyhow.

Nord, National Organization for Rare Diseases, has blown off four phone calls and four emails.

Why?