I’m the Worst Blogger in the World and Now, I need Help

I’m Allison and Have Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Pain, Tardive Dyskinesia and possibly Sjogren’s syndrome. (I find out today on the Sjogren’s…genetically, it makes perfect sense).

I’m in bipolar depression relapse, which is awful. I had a great 2 1/2 years of remission.

Over the course of the last 17 years I’ve had perpetual, off and on med burnout, which has a very geeky name, Antidepressant Therapy Tachyphylaxis, which means the antidepressants just stop working. I think a lot of people have this problem but there’s a black void where knowledge should be.

Articles on it, and other names for it, like “Prozac Poopout” are all over the internet. In the past we’ve resolved it over time by cycling to newer meds. Pristiq, then Viibryd and finally Brintellix, (now called Trintellix) and then Fetzima, which didn’t work.

Two different times we used Trintellix, which worked for a few years, and needed to be discontinued and then worked again when we ‘recycled it.’

I’m worried. I think I’ve burnt out all the drugs that act on Dopamine, Serotonin, Norepinephrine and need to go to a different class like a tricyclic or MAOI. The fact that I have Tardive Dyskinesia reduces our treatment options greatly.

I think it might eliminate an MAOI, because monoamines factor into TD…in some way.

I’m just really scared.

We’re all hoping Medicare Privatization happen but it’s Trump, Sessions’ and Ryan’s ‘go to!’

Privatization is the only speedy way to repeal the ACA, clean up the VA so it’s not such an eyesore, maintain nursing homes, provide health insurance…hell we even pay private correctional companies to run our jails.  We also pay private companies to administer subpar healthcare to prisoners.

In Florida a sixteen million dollar price scheme was discovered by a Senator Richardson, who took the time to go investigate all the ‘contract prison’ locations. He asked, as is his right, to inspect receipts for services provided (and billed for) “The exorbitant prices just jumped off the page at me!” He said. Privatizing prisons has been determined a failed experiment. Our justice system has decided to phase it out slowly by not renewing contracts as they come up.

We’re tired of hearing reports of prisoners dying needlessly in transport vans, wearing shackles, not given food, water or their prescribed meds.

Amateur mistakes like people being 100% cut off medicine like Xanax or antipsychotics. in privatizated prison, there’s 10x more ‘lockdown’ a sharp increase in contraband and unprecedented and recorded extreme use of force.

Who are these employees at the privatized prisons? They obviously aren’t trained, they make less money than government or state correctional institutions pay, the savings they promised aren’t there.  Whatever value they claimed to give us has been WORTHLESS.

More on privatization and health: In nursing homes, agitated patients are overmedicated with the very medications that carry an unacceptably high risk for heart attack and stroke, especially in females over 65. They don’t make their own healthcare decisions and the nursing homes can save on the cost of hiring extra workers to supervise, rather than oversedate our most vulnerable citizens.

Private hospitals….well, take the case of the now defunct Hollywood Pavilion. Oh how I hated Michele, the lady who ran the place. 100 mil Medicare fraud. More Medicare fraud has been reported from private hospitals than public ones.

And we’re going to watch Trump privatize healthcare? Puhleeze.

By the time Trump has egg on his face, he’ll be off in Dubai, doing that ‘deal’ he turned down a few weeks prior.

Comedy as Therapy



Even if I’m the only one to get the joke. It still works wonders. There is this guy who blogs for bphope.com, where I blog. His name is Dave Mowry and he self published a  book “No, Really, We Want You To Laugh” and it’s about a movement called SMH, “Standup for Mental Health.”

So the next thing I know, I’m going through my pile of ‘possibles’ possible stories, and marking some of them with a big black sharpie H, for humor. Then I wrote a humorous blog for my editor. She did NOT get the joke. It was called “Bipolar Disorder: I’ll fight your battles if you fight mine” and I had this one bit about how we all have different brain chemistry. “If I take your antidepressant, it might put me to sleep! I love sleep. It’s especially helpful when I’m operating heavy machinery, like my tractor.

” I’ll have to see how your antidepressant affects me before I text on my cell,” My publisher was NOT amused. I still think it’s funny, I just don’t know what to do, how to retool and resend it somewhere.

Any ideas fellow writers?

I struggled and still struggle with weight issues re meds

allison balcony

I am writing my book and possibly have an autoimmune illness called Sjogren’s or ‘Sicca Syndrome.’ Can’t wear contacts, on these eyedrops, fatigue. I don’t have manic energy at all, which I had enjoyed. Always tired. One of the things about writing, especially a research driven book, is it’s a lot of work. I need to put in four hours a day to really make any progress. Am considering dropping my gym membership. Then I’ll go back to looking like THIS again. It takes about four months to take that extra 20 off.

Agent search: One up on the SASE..try this-The Self addressed, Stamped Cheesy Post Card!



I used to be in a highly unstable, nomadic profession: Radio The really good non ‘top 40’ stations go off the air all the time (and you could be out of work overnight) because people just want to hear songs they already know. ‘Alternative’ stations often went off the air when owners decided the time was right to flip to Spanish, Country or Sp0rts Talk.


So, when you had a job, the smart thing was to keep your options open and keep  looking for a better one.


But so was everyone else!

The get the drop on the competition…To cut though all the 8×11 manila envelopes mailed to stations every week, I was taught by Mike Halloran at San Diego’s 91X to send my tapes in a regular envelope with a self addressed, STAMPED POST CARD with little statements besides checkboxes.

“You Suck!”

“You’re ok, try me next month”

“Call me on ___days at O’clock” or

“So and so is my assistant, call them at ___day at 0’clock.”

“Call me anytime but 3-7, because that’s when I’m on the air”

“Call the studio line from 3-7 because when I’m on the air it’s the only time I can talk”

And so forth. All they had to is check whichever box…They don’t even have to write anything all they have to do is pop your audition tape in their boombox and make a decision..to respond or to ignore. Usually they were so thrilled that someone made it easy for them to preview new air talent they responded.

This is what I’m gonna do in my agent search, with cheesy little Hollywood Beach and Miami Post Cards inserted in the envelopes following up an electronic submission.

I’m going to let you know how it goes!

Scary Tardive Types on the Internet-Damaged Goods: Do not Wear!

Photo of a photo


Beware, Be careful, if you do a search for tardive dyskinesia, there’s a ton of disinformation and misinformation.

I’m writing a centrist book on it…cause, risk factors, studies, promising new treatments,..how to get symptom management w/o wasting your time with self-claimed Tardive Specialists who don’t have a CLUE…I went through a lot and don’t want anyone else to. In fact, if it weren’t for all those doctors who said, “It’s psychosomatic,” or ‘You’ll Never Get Better, Suck it Up’ or…’You shouldn’t take the Valium,you might get hooked” or simply, ‘I have nothing to offer you,’ the book might never have been written.

I learned so much. Our numbers have doubled since I began my research two years ago. It’s still pretty rare though. That doesn’t mean our suffering is any less. you can’t measure misery. Don’t even try.

And as for finding and trying to talk with other patients,…there are some very damaged people. They are angry. Rageful.

Some of them have no symptom relief…their lives are decimated. They want to get even. With the world.

In the following case, I took a few blows to the skull before removing myself from the situation.

There is this one guy who is doing a facebook page based completely on his lawsuit.

He’s suing AstraZeneca (Seroquel), asking for punitive damages of 129 million. And that’s just for him. One person.

He thinks Seroquel is poison.

He’d managed to attract a famous lawyer.

The lawyer bailed.

Now I know why.

This guy called me a “Troll.” I’d never heard that term so I asked him what he meant.

He said he wasn’t feeling well that day. I tried to forget and move on.

Then, he gave me all his personal info, asked me to read every single post on his ‘tardive dyskinesia lawsuit’ facebook page and then write articles on and about him and his lawsuit…I write for three bipolar related publications. He  suggested others like…Reader’s Digest, WEB MD, I mean, I felt we were on the same team!

The next day I message him and He says… “PLZ LVE ME ALNE U NEED INPATNET PSYCH. U R THE TYPE of PERSN WHO NEEDS SEROQUEL” (This from a guy who thinks Seroquel is the devil).

He went on to say I was psychotic.

I do get hypomanic and type really fast. This is daunting to some. I’m working on it. Swear.

It hurt to have someone flip on me like this.

I was stunned, a stone where my stomach used to be. I knew I had to block, unfriend, the whole bit.

Husband says…Hon, it’s just the internet. There’s tons of crazy people out there.

Is it really like that? I swear, because he had tardive, I felt this bond…I’m a little on the lonely side to begin with…and then this.

It’s best that I discovered his true colors before attempting to write an article about him, that’s for sure!

Sometimes bad breaks are for the good.