Suicidal Bipolar Projects ‘Plan,’ and I’m in Hospital?

How else can I say it, title it?

allicat

You are my people. My resource.

You hear it first.

My life is messy.

It’s not the worst.

My BFF turned my life upside down.

You guys know I have chronic pain and was looking for a way out. I went Cold turkey for over a week. The worst pain I’ve ever had except for the 60 day flare in reaction to an ‘interventional pain management’ pain doc. Yeah, ‘interventional’ all right. Between me and my life. Between me and my pocketbook. Once back on, thought I could not get off. But I’ve been sick ever since. Hey, you play you pay.

Weak and sick I wanted to go to the ER and check for an obstruction. On the way gonna stop by my BFF’s. I’d packed my low sugar high fiber foods and protein Shakes with Pomegranate in them and Off I was gonna go. Except for one hitch. She’d called the cops and said I was suicidal. Cuffed and dragged off to the psych ward. Then she called my father and told him private stuff. She’s always hated my husband. Partly because he doesn’t have money and she thinks I could do so much better.

I’ll really miss her. Foreign films, world affairs, someone intellectual, worldly and brainy to be around and another former disc jockey.

I think it’s a marketable story. What can I call it in seven words or less so that betrayal and paradox jump right off the page; promising a publisher clicks? Can I Sell it to Buzzfeed? Vice? Gawker? Who?  It’s got to be a rebellious type of publication. One that questions the system a tad.

The two publications I write for probably wouldn’t appreciate my caustic tone when I describe yanking the warden’s chains; claiming I’m a nationally published writer who is also in their daily newspaper, a mantle of credibility which happens to be true. People get starstruck.

The puzzlement on their faces was precious. Priceless.   Maybe it’s true. Maybe she’s here by mistake. Our mistake.

Where does this story of one friendship (probably a sick, codependant attachment) end and a new life of healthier pursuits and a more balanced set of associates begin?

Because it’s not really about what she did to me, it’s about why I attract people to my life sicker than I am. That’s what’s nuts.  Then I share my intimacies. Totally Bonkers.

All along I assumed she understood and she’d just been laying in wait to get me locked up somewhere.  She’s disapproved of my level of care and self care all along, right down to the cooler full of raw foods, low sugar fruit, protein and water I carry around.

Suicidal Bipolar Projects ‘Plan,’ and I’m in Hospital?

How else can I say it, title it?

allicat

You are my people. My resource.

You hear it first.

My life is messy.

It’s not the worst.

My BFF turned my life upside down.

You guys know I have chronic pain and was looking for a way out. I went Cold turkey for over a week. The worst pain I’ve ever had except for the 60 day flare in reaction to an ‘interventional pain management’ pain doc. Yeah, ‘interventional’ all right. Between me and my life. Between me and my pocketbook. Once back on, thought I could not get off. But I’ve been sick ever since. Hey, you play you pay.

Weak and sick I wanted to go to the ER and check for an obstruction. On the way gonna stop by my BFF’s. I’d packed my low sugar high fiber foods and protein Shakes with Pomegranate in them and Off I was gonna go. Except for one hitch. She’d called the cops and said I was suicidal. Cuffed and dragged off to the psych ward. Then she called my father and told him private stuff. She’s always hated my husband. Partly because he doesn’t have money and she thinks I could do so much better.

I’ll really miss her. Foreign films, world affairs, someone intellectual, worldly and brainy to be around and another former disc jockey.

I think it’s a marketable story. What can I call it in seven words or less so that betrayal and paradox jump right off the page; promising a publisher clicks? Can I Sell it to Buzzfeed? Vice? Gawker? Who?  It’s got to be a rebellious type of publication. One that questions the system a tad.

The two publications I write for probably wouldn’t appreciate my caustic tone when I describe yanking the warden’s chains; claiming I’m a nationally published writer who is also in their daily newspaper, a mantle of credibility which happens to be true. People get starstruck.

The puzzlement on their faces was precious. Priceless.   Maybe it’s true. Maybe she’s here by mistake. Our mistake.

Where does this story of one friendship (probably a sick, codependant attachment) end and a new life of healthier pursuits and a more balanced set of associates begin?

Because it’s not really about what she did to me, it’s about why I attract people to my life sicker than I am. That’s what’s nuts.  Then I share my intimacies. Totally Bonkers.

All along I assumed she understood and she’d just been laying in wait to get me locked up somewhere.  She’s disapproved of my level of care and self care all along, right down to the cooler full of raw foods, low sugar fruit, protein and water I carry around.

Buprenorphine for pain is it legal or not? Why the restrictions?

 

pills

I read the conclusions on the studies that Prince’s would-be doctor wrote about his use of Buprenorphrine for pain. It’s been FDA approved for pain, one article said. It’s been around and FDA approved for pain since 1981, another article said, that a doc just needs the regular ol dea certificated to prescribe it ‘off label.’ If it’s FDA approved for pain, then why is that application ‘off label?’  The more I read about this, the more betrayed I feel by my healthcare providers, all of them.  I wrote Prince’s would be doc a letter and poked around the net for providers. This thing stinks. There’s a story here.

The drug was developed in the UK for the treatment of chronic pain in 1971. That’s when our FDA approved it too.  There is a restriction on how many docs can use it. One article said 30 patients at a time and another said 100.00. For addiction, the doc needs a class and special certificate. For chronic pain, as I just said, a regular DEA cert is all any MD, particularly a primary, needs. The transition from one to the other is touchy.

Most of the phone numbers on the net were disconnected and another doctor said that it’s illegal to use buprenorphrine for pain. He was an ass, too. Then I spoke to another practice who uses Buprenorphrine for pain and charges 175 a mo…because in a month’s time, you might need quite a few med adjustments and visits. Another doc charged 350 for first three visits. The price of a tablet of subutex, which is for chronic

Today’s drama: If Prince had Buprenorphine…sooner he’d still b alive

prince

This relates to all the hysteria about opiates and the lack of attention paid to the treatment of chronic pain. Yes, Deb at CDC, noncancerchronicpainlivesmatter.

Prince may not have died in vain. From reading articles I found he and I had a lot in common. Chronic pain from too much over exertion. Mine is in my back. I am a responsible, steady, minimalist user and have reduced my dose by 2/3 as well as frequency. But the side effects are terrible and have finally caught up to me. How does this relate to Prince? Well, there is a guy who has stuck his neck out on the line, a maverick in the treatment of chronic pain using Suboxone and or Buprenorphine. Less side effects, no intoxication like the quick acting Vicodin, Tylenol 3 and 4, and Percocet and those lovable blues, the oxys. Those get ya high. Hook you in. I know first hand because I got off of them. Prince’s people had contacted Howard Feldman, whose treatment center is outpatient “Recovery Without Walls”  For anyone who has been in 12 step groups, the ‘abstinence only’ idea is great in theory but what do you do for the pain once you get off the pills? According to the literature and the studies and conclusions of his, there have been outside pressures restricting the use of this drug. A doc has to be licensed and can only prescribe it for 100 people. I found out yesterday that my hoity toity upscale pain clinic doesn’t have a license for it and my questions about a healthier non opiate alternative were met with skeptical frowns. Dr. Kornfeld’s son, Andrew, flew out to Paisley Park with an initial dose of Buprenorphine in his pocket to show Prince that he wouldn’t be dealing with terrible pain but Prince had one last go before the life saving mission was able to save him from himself. Basically guys, Buprenorphine is Methadone light, saves lives…by 75%, reduces disease transmission and if it had been more widely available instead of an insider’s secret he might still be alive today.

What do I do? In my next post, I’m going to show you the letter I am writing to the good doctor to try to find someone here in South Florida. It’s intimate and has awful details but maybe someone will relate to it.

Allison

State by State Links for Free Mental Health Drop In Centers at bottom.

aljewelingtable(I learned Jewelry making at my Drop-In Center)…they have dbt too. free.

Drop-In Peer Centers for Behavioral Health: An Exploding Trend

Allison Strong

One of the reasons I am glad that I moved to Florida is that it led me to a peer run drop in center near my house called Rebel’s Drop In. In my small county, Broward, between Palm Beach and Miami-Dade, we have 5 of these centers. Peer run drop in centers average 5 per state, see the links below to find one near you.

Mindfulness, OA, NAMI Connection Peer-to-Peer, and a 14-year running Schizophrenics Anonymous meeting are there.  I learned to make jewelry and took new and improved pieces to Etsy, Holiday Gifts and my own wardrobe.  They have Peer Mentoring there, free of charge, to help you reach goals you may have forgotten about in crisis or not.  I have a Peer Mentor, who is someone who has been in my shoes, psychiatrically, and we get together to go over my goals on a variety of fronts. One of the most challenging for me is to ‘widen my social circle.” I’m making progress.

Does it sound too good to be true? No, it’s not and it’s an exploding, well-researched trend. So who picks up the tab?  The programs are subsidized by grants from the state, who always want a list of printed names and signatures, times and dates, so when you go there, make sure you sign the list. Every signature helps them get grants so they can expand and maintain their offerings.

These places are usually in a building owned by a local hospital for outpatient or continuing behavioral care in different tracks called IOP (Intense Outpatient Treatment paid for by insurance and Medicare/Medicaid). Then, after the patients leave, the aroma of coffee fills the air, the colored crayons come out, and food from Memorial regional Hospital arrives to feed those who have little or no sustenance in the grand room.  I’ve eaten it often and it’s always balanced.

In addition to the grand room, where painting, crafts, socializing, and jewelry is done, there are perhaps six private rooms holding various self-help/support meetings until 7:30PM. (Bipolar Support, Emotions Anonymous, Depression Support, Life Skills are just a few). On the weekends, since there is no IOP in session, the hours of the center are bit different.  In the words of Deanne O’Brien, who overcame her own mental health nightmare, (which is one prerequisite for Peer Mentors and Supervisors) “No one is too sick to attend Rebel’s Drop In.” I really believe that.

I’m on Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr communicating with people with mental illness. Many have never heard of these drop in centers.  My friends and I go once or twice a week, drink coffee, bring donuts and gossip. We never know when we’ll be in-patient next, and it’s good to see all the faces of our illness. We are so grateful that the late Ann Rebel’s family gave a charitable endowment to Memorial Regional Hospital, for the purpose of continuing mental health care, Peer Mentoring, and WRAP planning (Wellness Recovery, Action Plan).

If you are curious to see if any of these sorts of arts-oriented facilities exist in your city, county or in a town near you, try these links:

 

Topic:

Art

Bipolar Disorder

Consumer

Jo Menary|Tue, 2015-02-24 21:26

Allison, I am so proud of you. What great information and encouragement you are sharing. Keep is going! Jo

  • reply
  • michael |Sun, 2015-03-29 06:43

Great Job Allison. I am so proud of you not only for your informational writing but also fro you willingness to help others find the support they may need to help them in their lives as they deal with the same illnesses you suffer from! Love Michael, your Husband!

  • reply
  • Maggie|Sun, 2015-03-29 07:05

Looks like you dug around to get all this info. Thanks for making it available for us.

  • reply
  • jennifer blake|Mon, 2015-03-30 08:44

I love rebels! discovered it when I got out of mental hosp….wish they had one in boston where my son lives…this place saved me from myself many thanx Alison for great info!

Big Secret on a superior yet super restricted way to manage chronic pain suboxone questions?

Cuba here are some ideas on handling side effects of pain meds and some stuff I do to relieve pain other than just pills. You might find some of this helpful but I have questions too about pain management I hope someone can answer. I’m up against it. And the CDC is tightening up again. Friggin alcohol kills more people. No one is addressing the pain problem driving people to the pills in the first place.

Don’t get wrong idea…I’m on anti-inflammatory diet, alkalizing supplements, do pilates class, pilates at home on the mat, drink tons of water, get other types of exercise, use the non narcotic pain patch and anti inflammatory alcohol based tonic called Pennsaid before laying down on a bag of ice.

HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS…DOES ANYONE KNOW?

I’d like to change to suboxone because the big secret is that it works for more than just opiate cessation, it helps the pain. The bioavailability is such that you can get by on really really low doses. lower doses than a transfer chart would suggest!!!!! But doctors are limited to only having 100 pain patients on Suboxone. WHY? Does anyone know?

I read yesterday that Obama is pushing to raise that limit to 200 per doctor to deal with the heroin epidemic and pain pill problem.

Can anyone answer some of these questions for me or offer insight into suboxone for pain management?  If they cut me off, I’ll have to visit Mexico and Cuba after all. Even though Cuba will be open for cruise voyages on May 1, I wasn’t planning on going because I already live at the beach and drive an old car. hehe

Sharing Jewelry Making With Others in the Community

blueswarovskion

 

When I first wanted to learn how to make jewelry a few teachers told me they couldn’t work with me; frustrated at how slow I learned. Luckily for me I had a trip scheduled to see Mom in Arizona and she’s an expert. She has such fine skills. If you compare her work with mine it’s mind boggling. But that’s not what it’s all about.

Mom set up a jewelry table for me so she could rest when she needs to and I’d have something to do. She gave me the raw materials, like stones and findings that I needed. There are quite a few moving parts and tools involved. She probably spent twelve hours with me on that trip, helping me with the skills I could not wrap my mind around, like wire bending, and the making of loops to put earring findings on or other attachments. It’s got to be consistent and uniform in shape in side, otherwise it won’t hang the same and the different loop sizes will look silly.

I put up a site on Etsy and found out it’s more a place where ideas are stolen than appreciated and bought. In doing this I developed better photography skills, as the picture and description of an item are worth more than a thousand words. I spent money on lessons upon my return and also put out dough for nice stones like the above, which is Fluorite topped with embedded Swarovsky Crystal beads.

And then I got into writing and I just stopped. I’m going back. I think I need to.

 

I hate this word as a platitude or cliché but ‘balance’ is everything.

Allison