I feel Like Morrissey….”Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”…I was looking for a job and then I found a job…

Yesterday I heard uptempo "November Spawned A Monster on Indie 103.1's "Breakfast with The Smiths." Listen at your own risk for depression! lol
Yesterday I heard uptempo “November Spawned A Monster on Indie 103.1’s “Breakfast with The Smiths.” Listen at your own risk for depression! lol

I promise I won’t write about tardive dyskinesia, even though our numbers doubled last year. Mention it and people assume you’re radioactive, I swear.

 

A lot of stuff I’ve tried to do this week has either been shot down or flat out rejected…..I’m seeing the quality fade from my work. A lot of it is ‘circling the wagons’ at the end of 2017 to see all my specialists and get all my checkups done so I don’t end up eating my deductible in early 2017 out of necessity.

 

I keep seeing all these Open Enrollment “Try our Medicare Disadvantage Plan” ads. They tell you what you get, but not what you don’t. The lists of providers and preferred medications are not available. In what way is that fair? We can’t even be educated consumers.

Just changing or correcting that alone would go a long way to helping make sure we get our needs met next year.

Bipolar, Adhd, Binge Eating Disorder, Chronic Pain and the Role of Pharmacy Professional

I think you know what this blog is about.

I call myself a writer but don’t know how to do creative fiction like so many of you do.

Maybe not.  I just had a full blown Op-Ed published in the Miami Herald yesterday. I don’t know how I feel.

It was an article about the death of small, community, independent or ‘indie’ pharmacies by way of the CVS’s, Walgreens, Walmart’s….you know what I mean.

It’s called ” System “Rigged” against Florida Indie Pharmacies” hahah

 

 

 

Words away…is this lame or what?

FLORIDASUNRISE

This is the view from my living room. Very hard to be depressed. Spending a lot of time out there. My part of the AIA coastal road in Hollywood is very 70’s with the two story not tell motels and easy access to the beach (lack of parking makes it so beach is private) as the Talking Heads sang, “What did I do to deserve This?”

Here are this week’s words….I think this is my “Bill Cunningham” (the guy who just died who rode around the streets of NYC with his camera and took photos for the ‘street style’ half page in the New York Times) anyway I think I just do this word thing cuz I like it myself. I figure if it makes me feel better….with bipolar and all, maybe you will find it fun, too.

swivet: fluster, panic reaction

rivulet: small stream but then you knew that.

bombastic: loud but w/o meaning or substance (I wonder who they were talking about there!)

exedra: Semicircular in nature, in Ancient Greek or Roman houses, a room with these sort of love seats where people can sit and talk.

My thing about film directors and the “auteur” theory

Peter BergThis is former actor, former director, writer and now uberproducer Peter Berg. I first saw him in “The Last Seduction” with Bill Pullman and Linda Fiorentino, both people deserving of work and hardly ever working. But Peter Berg, first in Chicago Hope, then off to “Friday Night Lights” a producer/director job with Interscope….he’s developed some really interesting work over his career and does delightful cameos in his stuff. Right now he’s playing the Miami Dolphins owner in “ballers.” I follow this guy around like crazy.

Other directors who put the ‘auteur’ stamp on their work

the late Robert Altman

Quentin Tarantino

Ingmar Bergman

Oliver Stone

and so forth. Often you can judge if a movie is good by who produced or directed it. This is my theory.

Comments in Books “the sober truth” and “unbroken brain” on addiction/alcoholism

unbroken brainunbroken brainsobertruth

There are a couple new books about that jettison the ‘wisdom’ spouted in AA. I spent thirty years in “the program” but as a person with bipolar disorder and then three years of uncontrolled tardive dyskinesia, if I shared anything about these issues wanting to make me drink, the whole room would erupt into haters and ‘me toos’

I got tired of tripping on IED’s and left the program over two years ago. These books shed light on different approaches to treating addiction and point out that AA’s success rates, and this includes people who go to expensive thirty day rehab…those success rates are 3-5%. Of course this goes way up if a person stays, gets a sponsor and works the steps. Then the success rate for lifelong sobriety is thirty percent. But what about the other seventy percent of us??? Don’t we deserve an alternative?

“Unbroken Brain” suggests that addiction (and she’s a former opiate addict now successful author and freelance writer) is a ‘learning disorder’ in other words, by experimenting with drugs to begin with, we activate the dopamine neurotransmitter and if we could just unlearn that and replace it with a healthy way of getting ‘high’ we’ll be ok.

“The Sober Truth” points out many flaws in AA philosophy and the multimillion dollar rehab industry and other 12-step treatment providers, who think “abstinence only” is the only way to go. If you remember 8 in 10 people who start taking opiates took it for pain and still have that pain, then you can see that for someone like the late Prince, who had excruciating hip pain, “abstinence only” is not going to cut it. They always relapse and take the same amount they used to  take, but their tolerance has gone down and they OD. It’s a sad story.

Just like with heroin addicts, methadone, always has been legal and it’s proven that it cuts OD’s by 75% percent, cuts down on disease transmission (dirty needles) and cuts relapse on dangerous drugs like Heroin that’s laced with God knows what like crazy!

Everyone screams and demonizes the opiates instead of laying the blame where it belongs…the addicts who abuse the pills.

Oxycontin was terrific in terms of being safe and time-released except addicts figured out a way to trick with the coating so they could get the ‘rush’ of the entire dose right away instead of letting it slowly time release.

And we pay for the ‘high’ they were chasing. I don’t take Opiates anymore but I did so safely and conservatively for twelve years. It bought me a quality of life I can only dream of now. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to take them anymore due to side effects. Since I stopped, I’ve canceled gym membership, let my pilates classes expire and can’t write nearly as long as sitting in the chair aggravates it.

 

Words….Inc…Trying to get in Miami Herald these days….

 

The most new words I come across are in the New York Times Book Review. Last night I stayed up until 2am catching up with past issues. Trying to get published in Miami Herald, a tough nut to crack. I’m on my fourth submission. Waiting, reading, evaluating what gets published in place of my stuff. It’s humbling, isn’t it?

Paucity: The presence of something in insufficient amounts, small, not enough.

Meritocratic: Power or political office based on ability, credentials, education. (….NOT!)

Impunity: Exempt from punishment (in AA’s “Big Book” they mention those who drink with impunity)

Madrasas: College with instruction in all things Muslim. Maybe they send young women there. Gotta check on that

Got Thrown off a Fb group for this

AlLiliPulPink

 

I’m from North Sand Diego County, Rancho Santa Fe to be exact. Anyway as an alternative radio person I wanted to be Allison Steel but there already was one.  Later I found an old facebook group for people from my elementary school and left this link there. They banned me.

Oh well. Now, I’m using my real last name to advocate for tardive dyskinesia, I ‘came out. I click on other wp links, read and comment as often as I can.

http://ibpf.org/blog/coming-out-after-25-years-bipolar-who-am-i-anyway