A Former Drug Addict and Stronger for It

This is why I’m still alive….because I’m a former drug addict and stronger for it.

Some people might call the following a manipulation of the system, but I regard this as a tactfully maneuvered agreement.

Because of all my medical conditions (bipolar disorder, psoriasis, chronic pain, prediabetic, etc.) and side effects (Including chronic dry eye, high cholesterol, constipation, Tardive Dyskinesia), …I’m on a long list of medications, most of which I have to fight my insurance company for. I’m a worthy adversary, just in case you’re wondering…they probably hate me. I cost them money and eat up their time with grievances and expedited appeals…..

This reminds me of the Nirvana lament, (song) “Heart Shaped Box” that goes, “Hey,Wait, I’ve got a new Complaint” LOL.

Right this second, I’m on hold for forty minutes now, as I blog this, with my Medicare Part D prescription drug plan, Silverscript/Caremark/CVS.

I have what some people call “Tardive Dysphoria,” also called “Prozac Poopout,” (poor Eli Lilly and their Green and Off White Giant, it was so spectacularly successful, when the pendulum swung the other way, Prozac ended up with this moniker, in a classic case of branding in reverse)…

Anyway, I took Prozac for 8 great years and then….it stopped working for me. This has been the normal course of my illness since 1997. My antidepressants burn out and it’s severe, dramatic. Does this sound familiar? I’m functional, but barely breathing until I find a new antidepressant….basically, we rotate them, and sometimes, I have to take an entire month off of them to allow my brain to ‘reset.’

Antidepressant burnout is actually more common than not…they even have a rating scale for it. However, it’s not discussed…due to doctors and drug companies not wanting to set off the reverse placebo effect….plus, it does nothing for brand loyalty.

Anyway, I take the generic Pristiq for three weeks, and I start having notions of hanging myself…vivid and articulate like.

So I’m asking myself: What’s changed???  Luckily, I’m a Squirrel, and stash handfuls of RX drugs for just such an occasion. I pulled all the generic Pristiq out of my trays and replaced it with expired Pristiq 100 mg samples, some of which are cut up. (They tell you never to cut up meds, but I like to stretch them, especially right about now)  Within two days, I bounced right back. No more wondering whether a belt or a rope would be better to dangle from.

I hustled in to see my psychiatrist of 21 years, who did a ‘formulary exception request,’ which was immediately approved. The problem was, I couldn’t get any new Pristiq because I’d just gotten the generic junk two weeks ago.

My 45 minutes on hold with CVS was rewarded, I didn’t even have to ask for a supervisor. They did an override and I can pick some more up tomorrow. I wish I could tell you that was my only medical encounter this week…..far from it.

But still….today, tonight especially, I won.  I’m still alive, propelled by my expired Pristiq, and I’m grateful for my fortitude. The skills of a former drug addict came in handy tonight. You can take the dope out of the fiend, but not the fiend out of the dope.

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