Cyberbully ‘Kelti’ on bipolar support bulletin board MD Junction

aliHAS THIS EVER HAPPENED 2 YOU IN A SUPORT GROUP, CHAT ROOM OR BULLETIN BOARD?
Maybe because I speak up for those who don’t have a voice, I kick up more dust than the average slug crawling around the internet but this was a big one. I ended up in tears. How did they get to me? How did this ‘Kelti’ get a bully pulpit into my life? I was confused. It must have happened like this:

I DID A Google search on new antidepressants, for mine had stopped working.  The first research result was an Advertisement a company that pays extra money to be at the very top of search results on Google. It looked good, it looked like it offered new ideas on medicine for bipolar, and I, ever the newbie, wandered in to a place I thought would be safe. Boy was I wrong!

First of all, they had strict rules they had not clearly posted. I must have broken one.

Two distressed people had just posted questions about TD.   “ I think I have Tardive Dyskinesia, I’m scared.  What should I do?”   or,  “I’m on three antipsychotics for ten years now, will I get Tardive Dyskinesia too?” I felt for them.  I Wanted to reassure and inform them on new treatments, symptom management, even the charities that help with expensive new drugs.  So I told the brief version of my trouble with TD, and its’ happy ending at a movement disorder center in Gainesville.

An Angry GL (group leader) named K jumped in, threatening to ‘Ban’ me from the group, accusing me of frightening her members, causing trouble and making them  upset and angry. She said I was breaking all of MD Junction’s rules about self- promotion. She said I was bashing antipsychotics, a drug that we all need and a type of drug I truly benefit from. I didn’t mention one single drug.  Anyway, I didn’t realize she was a dictator, never to be argued or reasoned with.  She told me to ‘change my posts’ or else. I never saw these rules. They R Not Prominently Displayed.This would have Helped.

This group leader, K, went on and on about how she had to stop taking Seroquel due to weight gain. What kind of message is that sending to females?  Isn’t that a sort of bashing of meds? Is she following these rules? I think not. I withdrew and watched from an distance and there was little or no traffic on their site.I wondered how business was.

Two other members of MD junction supported me publicly and said that I should be able to say what’s on my mind. I got several PM’s to return to the group because “spring is coming” and “things will be different now, you’ll see. Please come back. You have so much to offer. There was a suicidal guy posting and I suggested that he write and gave him two links of places looking for mental health bloggers.

I told him that I was writing for NAMI and IBPF and both places are always looking for new writers. THAT WAS IT. KELTI FLEW IN ON HER BROOM AND SAID, “YES ALLISON, I REMEMBER YOU AND YOUR PASSIVE- AGGRESSION VERY WELL. You are still promoting yourself and you’ve made no friends here. YOU HAVE NOW BEEN BANNED.

2 Many Doctors appts give birth to a great idea!

Ok, on a day when I have doctor’s appointments, I get depressed. And it’s getting even more triggering to me. As a person who has survived pretty well with bipolar disorder for 25 years, weathered bad and good times and irreversible side effects, the illnesses mushroom. Oh, if I knew then what I know now. That’s why I want to write a book.  Hey, I could write the whole thing in doctor’s offices waiting rooms!!!

To balance the morbidity I get a good workout in in between, before or afterward.

Here’s what got me thru

“Rage Against the Machine” The ever soulful “The Ghost of Tom Joad”

Gary Jules “Mad World” also done by Tears for fears

Ice Cube “It was a good day.”

Led Zepplin “Boogie With Stu.”

a lot of people don’t get rap. They drive home their oppression. I would think anyone with a mental illness would understand the idea of being underneath a power pushing them down. Here’s my fav lyric

“Today I didn’t need to use my AK, I’d say today was a Good Day.”

ha. Power lifting and treadmill reading The NYT Sunday Edition. The upper balances the downers.

Or try this: DC Hardcore Band Fugazi’s classic rage fueled “Waiting Room.”

Movies, new Notable indie foreign and documentary fare

Movies: New, notable and some unnoticed that SLIPPED BY us by and are on video or should be soon.

Ok, it’s October 30, 2015

My Friday New and notable, sometimes TV and mostly movies, including independent and foreign film.

“Our Brand is Chaos” Sandra Bullock as a campaign manager in Latin America trying to get a corrupt, high flying guy elected while the people there are starving. Also stars Billy Bob Thornton as her political campaign opponent.

Suffragette w/Meryl Streep and Carey Mulligan (the name says it all)

Ash Vs Evil Dead Horror film

“Bare” one bored and broke girl meets the drug connection of the girls who strip at a local strip club and she soon takes to the pole.

‘Burnt’ former superstar chef has a druggie meltdown and is trying to re invent himself and his cooking career. The topic has been done and then some but it is supposed to be good. After all, Cooper did “The Elephant Man” on Broadway this year.

“The Armour of Light” a documentary, they say it’s balanced, about gun violence.

“Love” Argentine Movie about love told thru sexual escapades.

Write On: The WordPress Rule

Write On
I just found out from Opinionated Man on Harsh Reality about the WordPress limit on the combined number of tags and categories. If more than fifteen, they go out into the blogsphere version of the garbage can!!! That’s ok cause they needed work anyway!!!

I am back to writing my book. I was lost for a while and then reread “Haldol and Hyacinths,” because I wanted to see and hear the author’s voice. My book is not a memoir, it’s a trilogy of fiction with a manic depressive character who is still in the workplace. I am feeling like I am hitting my stride. Finding my own voice. It’s actually in rewrite.  I have bipolar disorder and have had it for twenty five years. The first med regime in ’89 worked really well for ten years. I was a total career woman as a disc jockey and rising journalist/music director. No time for psychiatrists, Work was my universe!!!

I was actually seeing my GP for my meds. When the meds stopped working, I was lost, thought I was out of luck and for another three years self medicated, got divorced, got blacklisted and then moved here and finally got back on track and returned to work.  I had been LOST for three years.

Earlier last week, I went to Lexington to see my father, who is a little up and down himself.  So I didn’t write for five days. I am spending about four hours a day on my book which is making it so that I don’t blog as often. But I did turn in a part one and part two eating disorder exercise bulimia blog to International bipolar foundation. It turns out that as many as 14-20% of patients with bipolar disorder actually have a co-occurring eating disorder. I’d been working on that piece, #no longer a number# for quite some time. I’m cooking dinner right now, taking a few minutes away from the stove and hoping I don’t get burned. (my food, I mean.)

Abilify and Latuda, they are antipsychotics too!

I have noticed that two new antipsychotics advertise themselves as being helpful for depression and never mention that they are in the antipsychotic class. For every year of use the rate of Tardive Dyskinesia is 5%. After a decade of use, Antipsychotics carry a 30-50% chance of Tardive Dyskinesia according to NAMI and other sources. Tardive Dyskinesia can be difficult to treat. I have had it since 2007. The drug companies should stop misleading people and telling lies of omission regarding their latest and greatest antipsychotics. Yes, they may help with depression, but they are not antidepressants. They are mostly given to people with Schizoaffective disorder and Schizophrenia until lately. Yes, they are a quick fix, but one that can come with a price.

Proud to Blog for NAMI and IBPF and almost for Bipolar Hope

I’ve been lucky in that somehow I’ve been picked up as a blogger by International Bipolar Disorder and NAMI but truly for every four submissions I send out to other digital publications, only one gets picked up. I got really close to being picked up by Bipolar Magazine’s digital arm, “Bipolar Hope.” They take a lot of drug company money in terms of advertising and I challenged them by sending a Tardive Dyskinesia story. If I had really wanted the twice monthly opportunity, I should have sent them a glossier blog on a ‘shiny happy people’ (REM song) topic. See, IBPF has the distinction of being totally independent financially from the drug companies, so we bloggers can be a bit more truthful, blunt, even, if the subject is so. But we balance it out by emphasizing that it does get better.

The rest of my submissions are rejected for one reason or another. There was Stigma fighters, I guess that evaluating my 25 year struggle on paper I told too many stories and talked about meds too much. When you develop Tardive Dyskinesia, Sexual Side Effects, Terrible Constipation, Constant hunger and Metabolic syndrome (half-way to diabetes thru no fault of my own…I eat good am very active and slender) it’s pretty hard to ignore the challenges and victories over those problems like they don’t exist,

I mean think about this: How many of us have gained or watched a loved one weight and not be able to lose it after being put on psych meds? There are advances in Western Science and Alternative solutions too, and I want to write about my journey. After all, I’m still alive and pretty happy.

Then there was the ‘seeds of hope’ submission and they objected to too much personal narrative and not enough of a “we can conquer thru ideology” presentation. So I’ve realized that in all this advocacy, I have to nurture myself, focus on what’s really important and develop a thick skin. And to stick to my own platforms, like this blog and the book I am writing. Does anyone else out there ‘feel’ me?

I’m Proud to blog for IBPF and NAMI

I’ve been lucky in that somehow I’ve been picked up as a blogger by International Bipolar Disorder and NAMI but truly for every four submissions I send out to other digital publications, only one gets picked up. I got really close to being picked up by Bipolar Magazine’s digital arm, “Bipolar Hope.” They take a lot of drug company money in terms of advertising and I challenged them by sending a Tardive Dyskinesia story. If I had really wanted the twice monthly opportunity, I should have sent them a glossier blog on a ‘shiny happy people’ (REM song) topic. See, IBPF has the distinction of being totally independent financially from the drug companies, so we bloggers can be a bit more truthful, blunt, even, if the subject is so. But we balance it out by emphasizing that it does get better.

The rest of my submissions are rejected for one reason or another. There was Stigma fighters, I guess that evaluating my 25 year struggle on paper I told too many stories and talked about meds too much. When you develop Tardive Dyskinesia, Sexual Side Effects, Terrible Constipation, Constant hunger and Metabolic syndrome (half-way to diabetes thru no fault of my own…I eat good am very active and slender) it’s pretty hard to ignore the challenges and victories over those problems like they don’t exist,

I mean think about this: How many of us have gained or watched a loved one weight and not be able to lose it after being put on psych meds? There are advances in Western Science and Alternative solutions too, and I want to write about my journey. After all, I’m still alive and pretty happy.

Then there was the ‘seeds of hope’ submission and they objected to too much personal narrative and not enough of a “we can conquer thru ideology” presentation. So I’ve realized that in all this advocacy, I have to nurture myself, focus on what’s really important and develop a thick skin. And to stick to my own platforms, like this blog and the book I am writing. Does anyone else out there ‘feel’ me?

2 many doctors appts give birth 2 an idea

Ok, on a day when I have doctor’s appointments, I get depressed. And it’s getting even more triggering to me. As a person who has survived pretty well with bipolar disorder for 25 years, weathered bad and good times and irreversible side effects, the illnesses mushroom. Oh, if I knew then what I know now. That’s why I want to write a book.  Hey, I could write the whole thing in doctor’s offices waiting rooms!!!

To balance the morbidity I get a good workout in in between, before or afterward.

Here’s what got me thru

“Rage Against the Machine” The ever soulful “The Ghost of Tom Joad”

Gary Jules “Mad World” also done by Tears for fears

Ice Cube “It was a good day.”

Led Zepplin “Boogie With Stu.”

a lot of people don’t get rap. They drive home their oppression. I would think anyone with a mental illness would understand the idea of being underneath a power pushing them down. Here’s my fav lyric

“Today I didn’t need to use my AK, I’d say today was a Good Day.”

ha. Power lifting and treadmill reading The NYT Sunday Edition. The upper balances the downers.

Or try this: DC Hardcore Band Fugazi’s classic rage fueled “Waiting Room.”

I got clobbered by my good intentions at the mental health ‘drop in’ center!!!

I’ve hit a snag with mental health advocacy. I volunteered for years at the nearby drop in. I had high security clearance and brought meetings into the psych ward. I developed an eating disorder meeting for them. I got sick with depression and a three year struggle with trying to get Tardive Dyskinesia under control…with both conditions I couldn’t volunteer for about a year  and I fell off the volunteer rolls. Well again, well, well enough, I offered to bring a gentle Pilates Mat class and even get certified in group activity safety measures for them and for me. Well, as you can imagine, since the whole ‘story’ I tried to nicely write about them went south, they no longer think I’m ‘well’ enough to be a volunteer.

Despite this, I still tried to write a nice story about them and their services for International Bipolar Disorder. I interviewed the project director and took good notes. I gave her final editorial approval since I did want to quote her and wanted to improve our relationship. I guess I sent too many emails because as my deadline came and went, she was on vacation and I did not know. When she returned, I got a nasty email full of hypocritical ‘mindfulness’  telling me that her ‘intention’ is to show me kindness but I make it impossible by ‘bombarding’ her with emails. My deadline for the story had come and gone and I wanted to finish it. She works with the mentally ill so why should she expect so much out of me? Am I being discriminated against because I’m too high functioning? Let’s face it, I’m verbal, I’m not all doped up and docile and I ask questions. I try to express myself and spread the good news about treatment options, present and in the pipeline. And you would not believe how much is in the pipeline!!! Ketamine is a comin’!

The need for balance to banish the bad.

You guys know that I make a real effort to take in as much as I give out. In other words, I take my time to read my entire Facebook feed and just comment rather than post, sometimes. Sometimes it’s cool to be a supporting player and get the focus off of myself. A regular intake of Alternative Music, both new and old, and some great classic tunes, like Stealer’s Wheel, “Stuck in the Middle with You,” or Creedence, or the Rolling Stones rev up my workouts at the gym as I increase my weights and read about world events. I am a total film buff. On Sunday I put out my ‘new and notable’ list as well as a few that fell between the cracks and slipped away to streaming or video.

I left out a few movies!!!!

Also came out on Friday are:

“I smile Back”

Rock the Casbah with Bill Murray

Victoria (german Heist Film)

Heart of a Dog by alternative artist and singer Laurie Anderson

Beasts of no Nation, a Netflix original movie.

I also wanted to add that I really just want to sign up for Cinemax so I can watch the new episodes of Knick, the 1900’s medical/addiction/New York City drama…it’s “House on Heroin,” literally. Clive Owen is as good as when he played Ernest Hemingway in that HBO movie with Nicole Kidman. But back to Cinemax, it’s another twenty bucks a month and the episodes are not all streamed together, they are aired in typical fashion, once every Friday at 10pm. The black hole. They’ll win the ratings sweeps no doubt. I investigated and Cinemax has about five original series that look intriguing, if you are into crime/spy and supernatural stuff. The hubby says no. I need to watch Clive Owen destroy himself while he saves lives as a surgeon back when they were still ‘bleeding’ people and C-sections were a new idea. I also picked up “WordPress For Dummies” and Steven King “On Writing.”  An entire Sunday edition of The New York Times awaits me. I’m researching the researchers who are trying to come up with preventative treatment for the unfortunate side effects of antipsychotics, weight gain and diabetes type two, as I struggle with this progression. But wait….I meant this post to be about light and fluffy escape modalities so off I go.