depression 30 days later, is it still adderall withdrawal?

I haven’t been this depressed since the 90’s. Waking up in the morning, thinking of ways I can kill myself. There’s go to be a better way to live. Back then, I would abuse Seroquel on the worst days so I could sleep through them. in a matter of days, I’m bipolar, the mood would turn around. Now, because of Tardive Dyskinesia, I can’t do that anymore, I will start thrashing about. So I have to totally sit with my depression, and make my own house a rubber room of sorts. I do this by keeping food in house, having a lot of reading material at the ready, and keeping up on the new shows coming on the networks and cable. All day Saturday I managed to sleep. I must have been tired. Sunday I had to face the music. I’m wondering about MAOI’s and/or tricyclics. Also, I went to my drop in center and we talked about my depression and that just made it worse.

Music metaphor: there’s like a tape loop in my head that runs its’ course, then announces, “you’re depressed, remember?” And It hurts. If I could find a way to interrupt that loop …which I try to do with music, reading, and TV, I’m in good shape.

4 thoughts on “depression 30 days later, is it still adderall withdrawal?

  1. Dear Allison,
    I just read your article about your involuntary hospitalization. I’ve been hospitalized several times myself. I also have bipolar 2 with severe depression. You said your psychiatrist for the past 15 years is Dr. Rosenthal. Is that Dr. Michael Rosenthal in Dallas, Texas? The reason I ask is because he saved my life. Last year my husband left me after 14 years of marriage and it threw me over the edge. I was extremely suicidal. The hospital where I live is pretty useless so I traveled 2 1/2 hours to Dallas. It was much better there. Anyway, Dr. Rosenthal ended up doing 22 ECT treatments on me. It was the only thing that worked. I’m also on 4 meds. He changed those too. I may have to have some maintenance treatments soon because the depression is starting to come back pretty bad but it may be circumstantial. Anyway, for several months I was stable and SOOO thankful. I’m so sorry you’re depressed and suicidal again. It’s awful. Thank you for your article and opening up your life. I’m not really sure how blogs work, so I hope you get this. I’d like to learn more about blogs though. ❤️

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    • Dear Nealy
      It’s posts like this that balances the frustration of being computerlame and paying a tutor to learn things that I’m constantly reviewing and money that seems to be going nowhere. My doctor is not Dr. Rosenthal. I live in South Florida and my doctor wants his name out of the press. But he’s a dead ringer for Richard Dreyfuss….a cynical, clinically seasoned 73 year old hippie and he seems to specialize in well educated females who have issues with men. He’s been my shrink a long time and I’ve been on a lot of medicine. I’ve avoided inpatient for 15 years. I’ve been on all the antidepressants except MAOI’s and Tricyclics, which have been mostly shelved due to side effect profiles. But I’m curious because I can’t go on like this. I am willing to do ECT. I just don’t know if my doctor has ever prescribed them. Because of bipolar sometimes doctors don’t want to do ECT because of the possibility of tripping them into a manic episode. Hey, that was a rough draft of an article I’m submitting to IBPF.org who also has a facebook page and on twitter and Tumblr and even frickin’ Instagram. Not being able to retain the wherewithal of how to get in and out of these sites, I’m frustrated with that too! Right now, just taking a walk on the beach is a challenge. Once I hit the couch for the day I never get back up. My thought process goes to hell. Are yu still with Dr. Rosenthal?

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      • Hey Allison!
        I thought that article I read that you wrote said you were with Rosenthal. Oops! Anyway, I’m only with him if I have to go back to Dallas for ECT. I also have a doctor here. I’ve been on all the meds too. It’s so frustrating. I want off of this seroquel because it’s causing bad weight gain and I’m used to being skinny. But I’m also scared to jack with my meds. I don’t want to mess up anything and end up back in the hospital. In the past year I’ve been hospitalized 6 times. My mom begs me not to quit taking the seroquel because it keeps me pretty stable. I’m also in counseling. I have been for a few years. My counselor is amazing! How can I make sure I get to read your article you’re writing now? I read that other one on Facebook. Anyway, I know what you mean about little things being very difficult. There are some days I can barely get up and stay up. I probably do need a maintenance ECT treatment but I’m thinking what’s causing me to be so down again is grieving my marriage. It was very sudden. No signs at all. We got along very well and I’m very in love with him. He still hasn’t given me an explanation to why he left. There wasn’t even anyone else. Anyway so now we get along for the kids but I have a very difficult time because I not only lost my husband, I lost my best friend. I miss him terribly.

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  2. Nealy, my husband decided not to continue being married to a bipolar woman. did you read the hospitalization story on regular Facebook? Because I have a private bipolar group if you want to ask to be in there. It’s kinda new..and it’s easiest to get into by title. The link is finicky. The title is:
    Bipolar: Our cycles unite us, bring on the sound. Let me see about getting the link. And a few others. http://bit.ly/1P3gyAI This is a NAMI article about Stigma
    http://goo.gl/0US6Pj A Nami Link about me coming down with Tardive Dyskinesia…the type I have is rare but there’s good preventative info in there.
    IBPF supposedly has a link where all my articles are: http://www.ibpf.org/tags/allison-strong
    I’m gonna go on that link too.

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