I haven’t been this depressed since the 90’s. Waking up in the morning, thinking of ways I can kill myself. There’s go to be a better way to live. Back then, I would abuse Seroquel on the worst days so I could sleep through them. in a matter of days, I’m bipolar, the mood would turn around. Now, because of Tardive Dyskinesia, I can’t do that anymore, I will start thrashing about. So I have to totally sit with my depression, and make my own house a rubber room of sorts. I do this by keeping food in house, having a lot of reading material at the ready, and keeping up on the new shows coming on the networks and cable. All day Saturday I managed to sleep. I must have been tired. Sunday I had to face the music. I’m wondering about MAOI’s and/or tricyclics. Also, I went to my drop in center and we talked about my depression and that just made it worse.
Music metaphor: there’s like a tape loop in my head that runs its’ course, then announces, “you’re depressed, remember?” And It hurts. If I could find a way to interrupt that loop …which I try to do with music, reading, and TV, I’m in good shape.