dad pulled me thru the ringer last week. Borderline Personality Classic Behaivor. He offered to pay for the entire cost of self publishing if we got all the costs in up front. Of course that is hard to get out of these companies, because they like to get the patient on the table, open the chest cavity and THEN ask for all these additional costs, when you can’t afford to say no. I’ve been warned by other authors who have told me (they are now agented and majorly published in a nice paperback that they didn’t have to pay for this time around) they say that if they did it differently, if they could go back in time, they’d have just paid for final editing, formatting, cover art and uploaded to Create Space. Amazon. Bookstores don’t stock Create Space offerings, but the audience I’m hoping to reach will buy my books online.
Another thing…just because you’ve written a book at a certain point in time doesn’t mean that you have to publish it at it’s completion. The world can wait. Until you are famous. Until you’ve been published in Huffington Post, Bipolar Magazine and maybe even The New York Times. There are many mountains to climb before rushing to pay for self publishing a book and who knows, if you are clever enough online….in a few years, a publisher or agent might just find you via your consistent blogging. I’ll bet it’s happened before. Dreaming big has never really hurt me and if it’s all dreams who cares?
So then Dad goes Hitler, denies he ever offered, tells me I’m a stupid girl, and easy mark and that he never offered to pay for me to self publish a book.
A lesson I’m glad I learned early. I want him as far away from my writing as possible. You know, he has the power, if he wants to emotionally take it away from me, to declare it as illegitimate. I can’t afford that. It’s my fucking therapy. I can’t let him do this to me.
However, the apple does not fall far from the tree and I’m going to take a course or a 6 mo therapy program paid for by medicare on Borderline Personality called DBT. It’s all the rage and it does not involve drugs. It’s about distorted thinking, challenging it and moving on to more productive fields. After My Dad pulled his stunt on me, I was on the couch, suicidal for two days. I can’t afford that either. For an old man, he still is mean. He, can I publish this? I’m asking first. Just in case I pull the cord on the ‘off’ switch and people are trying to find where the bodies are buried. If I can understand borderline personality in myself and stop being Mean to My Man,then I will have a lot less patience as my dad prepares to take out his bipolar blade by offering cash for this, cash for that. Deanne Runs the center for the Crazies…I wrote that article promoting her center and she acted all…like this can’t go in, I never said that, this is inaccurate after having agreed the previously week to circled quotes. She’s been project director at Rebel’s For Years, isn’t going anywhere so we are having this mediation. Thanks so much for asking and catching my typos like this one