“You’ve got this” video for IBPF, Healthline by me. First ever storyboard!!

our video has been too large a file to put in emails, etc. But we’re working on ‘smushing’ it. Hopefully it will be approved and be put on the aforementioned Link.  No, wait, it looks like it went through.  Don’t let anyone tell you different, we are really creative. We make great cameramen, editors, directors of photography..writers, comics, actors. the works. The deal is to stay healthy if possible. And outthink the thinkers. All they do is think, anyway. They are not us.

Videos for Bipolar with Healthline, IBPF and Astrazeneca

I just finished shooting and editing my video for bipolar disorder. You’ll have the link to the file as soon as I do. For every vid that is uploaded to the following site, the sponsors will match 10.00 My vid has music and a lot of movement. But not all good videos need such. There are good ones up on there already. It’s going on until December of this year, so you have plenty of time.

·         This is another online campaign happening at Healthline’s website: http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/youve-got-this

·         Submit a video of encouragement for those who have been recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder

·         Healthline is donating $10 to IBPF for each video

·         Goes until DecemberChickencoop - Copy

Give yourself a break.

First book is in three parts. The first part is about ten chapters. I’ve already written the middle part and the end part, it just needs cleaning up.

As for the first part,  I broke them down to make it easier to manage. I finished the third chapter today and am going out to the family room to read more of the sunday NyT magazine and Tess of the D’Ubervilles. I’m tired. I was sick last night, dehydrated today and have a computer lesson at 2:30. Plus, this next chapter…I don’t want to write it off the cuff. I want to think, push the pause button and ponder what happens, where the conflict lies and what will create pace.

The breaking of a bone in my foot presented opportunities

I’m supposed to be taking time off my foot. It’s been a relief not to have to shop and cook, I’ll admit. And I’ve gotten more writing done because of it. I’ve been hand writing from the couch. I don’t have the funds to buy a laptop, and even though people say ‘just put it on a credit card,’ I’m barely making my minimums presently and don’t want them to grow.

I’ve started to take days off blogging and devote to the book exclusively. I will scroll through email but only look at critical ones. Social Media can distract me to the point where I get nothing done.

Also, I realized I needed to start the first novel in the trilogy at the point when I enter the radio business and what got me there. A lot of it was dumb luck. But maybe my subconscious led me to the river.

Why is it so important to write a book? Because my life has been such a fuss and such a combination of efforts on behalf of so many people that it bears witness. Some sort of GPS or road map or survival journal should be there for the perusal of those who come after me.

Also, to inspire, because I’ve overcome so many negative predictions on the subject of: getting my SAG card, getting commercials on my own merit, making the volleyball team, getting published by NAMI and IBPF, Get into a good college, or live a happy life.

A lot of my problems stem from being raised by a borderline, bipolar, alcoholic, compulsive gambler of a parent. Though I know he loves me, nothing was ever good enough for him to even listen to without telling me what was wrong with it, or me.

So two weeks ago when he offered to help me self publish my first book, like a dumb tilapia, I took the bait, only to be told how stupid a woman I am, how he never offered to help me self publish, that the whole mission is a waste of time, ad infinitum. It made me realize that however well meaning his offer was, a lot of what I write about is going to reflect on him and let’s just say I allowed him to help me and the first book didn’t take off or make any money (most don’t). He would start berating me to stop writing. So I can’t let him get near my writing. He would try to kill it because that’s just who he is. He won’t admit it, but he wants to be the star of every show.

The outcome of him withdrawing his support brought on a depression so deep I wasn’t sure that I was going to make it through. That’s scary. That’s why I post that I’m not scared of sharks and car crashes and cancer, I’m afraid of depression.

Since the time of my diagnosis, I’ve been shunned. Why? There is a narcissist, a few drinkers, gamblers, and one sociopath in their number. I don’t want to get burned. I have been dis-invited to two weddings of sisters, and left out of every family event. I’ve been told that I embarrass the family. Money is not a problem, but closeness is.

I’m actually proud of myself. I’m trying to do something I’ve never done before. I think that breaking it into bite sized pieces is actually going to help me with this earlier material I’ve taken on. I just am scared.  Sometimes I want to just quit. I’ve done so much work already.  I’m going to go back on the couch, or is it coach?  hahaha

Writing a Book When you’ve never done it before

In our sisterhood blog community…(it maybe just feels like there are more women than men) you can tell who is working hard on their book because they don’t blog a lot. I was sitting around in frustration with my project because I’ve decided that I want to go back to my first radio job and the year I did that while my mania was revving its’ engines, pouncing to strike. So I am beginning the first book (it’s a trilogy) at a period of time where I’m fairly linear, haven’t yet had my first manic episode but was highly emotional, sought comfort in the wrong things and people (was a person who always got their heart broken) and struggling with the Paternal nature and absolutism dogma of AA. At least that’s how I feel about AA. I don’t go any more because it aggravates me. I have eight journals that reflect 8 sponsors over a 16 year period and a ton of step work. Then I have notebooks I kept during Intensive Outpatient Therapy for dual diagnosis, and eating disorder. It’s weird. I just think a book is a good idea when so much fuss and so much effort has gone into keeping me well, rather than sick, and on the planet. Oh, sure, I’ve had some long depressive episodes that were really scary, but each one seems to make me stronger. And now, thanks to Wendy K Williamson, I would consider ECT if I fell into one of these episodes again because they are really obnoxious. There should be a journal, a guide, a map for the people with bipolar disorder who come after me. I was a little girl who dared to dream big and some of my dreams, like acting and radio came true.