Self Publishing

What a go round I had today with a rep from XLibris. I have a lot of friends who are published and went with bigger companies and warned me to ferret out the charges they slap on later. Think of this as a surgery, and the chest cavity is open and the heart has been temporarily removed from the body and the blood is being pumped artificially. The doctor looks up at you and says, “Oh, we forgotto discuss our marketing guidance (not placement just guidance) and the packages (add ons) would cost anywhere from 800-17k!  And you know that you need some sort of guidance in marketing the book or it will go nowhere. I kept pushing this issue and I was told I’d have to speak to someone else to answer my questions on the topic of marketing.

Hours later, I get an email about how she has more important things to do besides argue with me. Then my Dad,, who is unmedicated bipolar/borderline  all of a sudden withdraws his support of the endeavor and says that He never offered it to begin with!  He and I have never talked about self publishing at all!  I don’t know enough about it to talk about it.

But I sure know more about it now. In my last letter from the Xlibris rep she said that with everything that I stated that I think I’d need help with that total costs would be about 25k.  That sure is a stone’s throw from the 399.00 deal she was offering.

I took a lot of energy and a lot of focus and lost time to go through this with her, but I don’t feel like she ‘gets’ me. She’s reading stuff from a script that I heard the guy from AuthorHouse say. Same accent too. Turns out they are co-owned and all the people in the boilerroom are from the same South Pacific group of Islands.

My experience with authorhouse was even funnier. After having talked to me for five minutes, the rep pronounced, ” I know, I can tell that you have what it takes to become a great writer.” Haw Haw. He doesn’t know about my lack of computer skills. My impulsivemess, occasional relapses into depression. I didn’t trust the guy pouring it on at Authorhouse and stopped answering the phone. Have you ever seen those one page, full page ads in the New York Times book Review on Saturday? To simply be listed in 8 point font in this ad for one week is 12k. I’ve already got my eye on a few new support room bulletin board places who want to provide a safe, free place for people to talk to each other Like Iron Heart out of Canada,  for example Right now they are running on fumes and volunteers but it won’t always be that way. I’ll bet that a contract with them for the future could be a good investment. They are a start up. They could use the cash.

All in all, there is a book about self publishing that I’m going to buy and read and keep reworking this work. Right now it’s long winded and too fluffy. We’re in a psych ward and I had no fleshed out characters with whom I bond or against whom I clash. I’ve done the brainstorming and I think an investment in that Lit agent book might be a better investment right now than signing up with a duplicitous type of self publisher, even though my former lit coach told me to go with Authorhouse.  Once you are laying there on the operating room table,, they’ve gotcha. What r u gonna have for lunch, Al’s Anchovies?

the trick to not drinking without AA

I relapsed when my antidepressants stopped working two weeks ago. I surrendered to the pain. I wanted out. I drank wine for about a week. I drank kind of heavily but it was fun.  Then, I stopped, the medications I had been switched to started to work and I don’t want to mess that up. There is a lot of nonsense in AA that antagonizes me. I let it.

So if I don’t have AA, then how do I stay sober?

I think the trick is…to have something in your life that you want more than a drink.  For example, what if I had to trade my freedom for unlimited wine? What if eventually I got locked up in a hospital or jail?  No thanks. I’ll keep my freedom for today. The wine calls to me, but it can only go downhill from here.


#mental health




it occurs to me

My life would be so easy if I just let judgmental, prejudicial people in AA have their opinions, practice medicine without a license (stop taking those meds) and just let them have their opinions.


#eating #disorder

#Kim #Gordon

Girl in A Band : a total Pageturner by Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth and Head/Body

One of my fav bands when I was in radio was sonic youth. Not a favorite with the boss to be added to the playlist but a cause worth fighting for. I remember when DGC, a subsidiary of Geffen Records, big back in the 90’s, released a dissonant single with rare lead vocals by the bassist frontwoman, Kim Gordon. She wasn’t usually the singer, but maybe now she’ll sing more. Back to the powerstruggles between music director and program director….only when working with Jonathan L as Program Director did I ever manage to get a Sonic Youth song on a commercial alternative radio station. We played all the Sonic Youth Hits, “Teenage Riot” “100%” and the song I mentioned earlier with Kim Gordon singing “Bull In the Heather.” Those were the days. I was lucky to be working with a couple of adventurous and truly cutting edge programmers back then, 91X’s current PD, Michael Hooligan Halloran and Jonathan L, who still can be heard all over the world, in his show “The Lopsided World of L.” Jonathan and I worked together twice and if there hadn’t been a Jonathan L, there’d never have been me: Allison Strong. Of course that’s not my real name, but I really liked the name Allison Steel, but that name was taken. That didn’t stop at least ten other women in radio from Ripping off her name, but I wanted to be original and send a message of women of power. The weird thing was that my family had owned a business in Arizona during World War 2 called “Allison Steel.” So if anyone could lay claim to that name and legitimately rip it off from WNEW’s legendary “Nightbird,” it was me. But I didn’t do it.

Anyway, Kim Gordon is divorced now and has written a pageturner of a Memoir, Girl in a Band. It just showed up at the library and I started reading it. Boy does it rock.  Spare, conscise, heartbreaking, there was an affair, a divorce and she has stepped up to the plate to tell about it. Boy does she ever. I hope we’ll someday be hearing her music on the radio, but the more conservative the radio stations get with their corporate ownership and centralized decision making, I don’t know. If you like  music, and you have a beating heart, she’ll break it, but it will have been worth it.

#bipolar disorder #alternative music #sonic Youth #Girl In a Band #The Pixies #Kim Gordon #manic depression #autism #mood stabilizers

#Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremonies #Iran #Obama #Rubio #Cuba #Hilary #Chipotle #GermanWings #Lufthansa

My State of Rebellion against AA. It might as well be AAA, ‘Cuz I have a flat

.When my antidepressant (Brintellix-which gave me 7 good months) dropped out, every morning I woke up to a feeling of terror thundering through my heart. Sheer Panic.  I felt like I had gotten a DUI or crashed a car the night before, so fearful it is to wake up every morning and realize, “Oh THAT.”  As a bipolar for 25 years, I’ve had a lot of those mornings, but I didn’t see this one coming, I mean this antidepressant only worked for months! To be continued shortly….Photo from LA, reminiscent of the theme of this Blog “rebel with a cause,” after the classic coming of age james dean Movie.

#bipolar disorder #dual diagnosis

Morrissey’s Muse died last week-Was Vivian Nicholson Bipolar?

Vivian Nicholson, the woman on the cover of the British single “Heaven Knows I’m miserable now” by the Smiths died last week. Notorious for being notorious, she was a worker in a licorice factory and her husband a coal miner living hand to mouth when they won the British equivalent of our ‘Lottery’ back in early 60’s.The money today was a full payout of 4.5 mil. Widowed within two years, she lived a very public, messy life, full of marriages and divorces, sordid affairs, and was even the subject of a London West End Musical. She was Tabloid fodder, persecuted by the press all the time.She battled alcoholism and had a personal motto of “Spend, Spend, Spend,” today we might look at those symptoms and wonder if she had bipolar disorder. I know for a fact with my recent depression and subsequent alcohol relapse that when I had a glass of wine, it was an instant uplift, like a shot in the arm. The only problem is, that I take many medications for bipolar disorder and other things, and my alcohol consumption is at least three glasses a night maybe four. It just depends when I fall asleep. She’ll sleep forever now. #bipolar disorder #amwriting #Hilary #Chipotle #Iran #promiscuity #overspending #mania #bipolar #Schizoaffective #OCD

#ADHD #Vyvanse #BMPEA

Marya Hornbacher’s Research about Mental lllness

I think we should go ahead and fill out her form and contribute to what’s known about mental illness.

Kitt O'Malley

What do you know about mental illness?

By Gabby Abbott | Apr. 15, 2015 | 285 Submissions

Author Marya Hornbacher is working on a book about mental illness. Her book will profile the lives of people who have a mental illness or who work in the field, and she’s trying to develop a deeper understanding of how the public views mental illness. Perhaps, you would like to respond to her query and share your story or insights with her.

Here are my responses to the questions asked by Marya Hornbacher through the Public Insight Network.

  • How would you describe your knowledge about mental illness?
    I am very knowledgeable about mental illness.
  • Has mental illness affected you personally? If so, how?
    I live with bipolar disorder. At 18 years old I was a suicidal biochem major at UCLA. Not until I was 39 was I diagnosed with bipolar disorder, common for…

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